


The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals

by agaylilguitar



Series: Hatchetfield series (ASOUE) [3]
Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV), A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket, The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Apocalypse, Bisexual Quigley Quagmire, Bisexual Violet Baudelaire, Everyone might be high, F/F, F/M, Fuck Karen, Gay Duncan Quagmire, Gen, LGBTQ Character, Lemony is high, Lesbian Fiona Widdershins, Lesbian Isadora Quagmire, M/M, Multi, Musicals take over the world, i dont know what else, lotta angst, no one is straight, people sing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:40:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 31,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22514134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agaylilguitar/pseuds/agaylilguitar
Summary: Quigley Quagmire is an average guy. He likes cartography, cream filled coffee, and hates musicals. But Quigleys small world is about to come crashing down under the weights of unspeakable terror! The town Hatchetfield is now plagued with musicals.
Relationships: And more Im just lazy, Beatrice Snicket & Duncan Quagmire, Beatrice Snicket & Fiona Widdershins, Beatrice Snicket & Friday Caliban, Beatrice Snicket & Isadora Quagmire, Beatrice Snicket & Klaus Baudelaire, Beatrice Snicket & Lemony Snicket, Beatrice Snicket & Quigley Quagmire, Beatrice Snicket & Sunny Baudelaire, Beatrice Snicket & Violet Baudelaire, Duncan Quagmire & Isadora Quagmire & Quigley Quagmire, Fiona Widdershins & Duncan Quagmire, Fiona Widdershins & Quigley Quagmire, Fiona Widdershins/Isadora Quagmire, Isadora Quagmire & Duncan Quagmire, Isadora Quagmire & Klaus Baudelaire, Klaus Baudelaire & Sunny Baudelaire, Klaus Baudelaire/Duncan Quagmire, Lemony Snicket & Duncan Quagmire, Lemony Snicket & Fiona Widdershins, Lemony Snicket & Isadora Quagmire, Lemony Snicket & Klaus Baudelaire, Lemony Snicket & Quigley Quagmire, Lemony Snicket & Violet Baudelaire, Quigley Quagmire & Duncan Quagmire, Quigley Quagmire & Isadora Quagmire, Quigley Quagmire & Klaus Baudelaire, Violet Baudelaire & Carmelita Spats, Violet Baudelaire & Duncan Quagmire, Violet Baudelaire & Ellington Feint, Violet Baudelaire & Fiona Widdershins, Violet Baudelaire & Isadora Quagmire, Violet Baudelaire & Klaus Baudelaire, Violet Baudelaire & Sunny Baudelaire, Violet Baudelaire/Quigley Quagmire
Series: Hatchetfield series (ASOUE) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1627663
Comments: 38
Kudos: 23





	1. Like damn good coffee

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is the most chaotic thing I'll ever write and cause Im kind here is some information to help you!  
> -Violet ran away from home at almost 14, she hasnt seen her siblings since  
> -Fiona is 33, Violet is 32, Quags are 31, and Klaus and Carm are 30  
> -If you want to understand anything better, I'd suggest watching The Guy Who Didnt Like Musicals on youtube  
> -Karen is Klaus' ex-wife and Bea lls mom

**CHAPTER 1**

**Like Damn Good Coffee**

“Quigley?” Klaus Baudelaire said as he looked over towards his friend, Quigley Quagmires, office desk.

“Hmm?” Quigley looked up from his computer and looked over to Klaus. The computer screen wasn’t filled with any of the proper work he should be doing. Instead, it was loaded onto amazon and it appeared that Quigley had added 10 things into the virtual shopping cart.

“I was trying to print something and I think I might have sent it to your printer,” Klaus said, looking between his printer and Quigley.

The papers had been sent to Quigleys printer. Tickets for Mamma Mia. A fucking musical, “Got ‘em. Here you go,” Quigley reached his arm over to Klaus and passed him the tickets, “And, just a reminder, you want to print from HP Laserjet, not HPInkjet,” Quigley kindly reminded his friend.

“Alright,” Klaus said, no longer looking at Quigley. He was instead paying attention to the tickets, the Mamma Mia tickets. 

Quigley and Klaus had both returned to their work. Klaus was doing proper work now, filling out reports and other work appropriate things. Quigley was instead searching amazon for more things he could buy. So far, it was all books on cartography and an overpriced stress ball that was purple. Quigley also had reports to fill out, but he was sure he’d be able to do them all at home. Or, just hope Mr.Poe doesn’t need them until next week or next month or next year or next decade.

“How are the-” Mr.Poe walked in, coughing before he could even finish his question, “Klaus, Quigley, can I have the reports on my desk by the end of the day?” Mr.Poe got into a coughing fit right before looking up at Klaus and Quigley.

“Of course,” Klaus responded. His eyes were glued to the computer screen that had actual reports on it, actual reports that were being filled out.

“Definitely,” Quigley said, shifting his eyes over to Mr.Poe. “It’ll be all done by five o’clock,” Quigley closed down amazon and began to stare at the empty reports.

Fiona Quagmire, formerly Widdershins, was luckier than Quigley Quagmire was. She didn’t have to fill out reports. She had instead managed to get a job in customer service, no one knows how. Fiona had been sitting at her desk, looking at her computer screen, just waiting for someone to call. No customers ever called. If they did, the other customers service employee had been responsible. Fiona was practically paid to sit at a desk and relax. Much more fun than having to fill out random reports.

When the phone did ring, Quigley still felt like Fiona had been luckier than him.

“Hello V-” Fiona stopped talking for a second and her smile grew wider, “Isadora! Why you calling?” Fiona stopped talking once again, Isadora had been responding. “That is fantastic, want me to invite Carm?” Fiona stopped talking for a third time as Isadora responded, “We aren’t inviting Fernald. We can invite Carm or ask one of your brothers,” Fiona stopped talking for the fourth time, it had been her time to talk within a second however. “Okay, I’ll go find her and the Latte Hottay at Black Cat,” Fiona hung up the phone.

Quigley looked away from the extremely boring reports that were still blank, “I could go to Black Cat for you,”

“Are you going to finally talk to the Latte Hottay?” Fiona turned her chair to face Quigley and a grin spread across her face, “Isadora and I would love to buy you a gold sticker if you do,”

“Whos the latte hattay?” Klaus looked away from his reports and joined the conversation.

“Cute lil barista, non-starbucks employee, known throughout the land,” Fiona shifted in her chair slightly so she’d be able to look at Klaus as she talked to him. “Also known as “my wife”,” Fiona said in a joking tone this time.

“Your wife is a poet,” Klaus said seriously.

“Well Mr.Quigley's possible future wife is a lil barista,” Fiona said, looking between Klaus and Quigley.

“I don’t have a crush on anyone at Black Cat and I have zero idea who the “Latte Hottay” is,” Quigley looked towards Klaus and said.

“He has a huge crush on someone there, otherwise he’d go to starbucks,” Fiona said right after.

“Maybe the coffee is better than starbucks coffee?” Klaus responded. He had never gone to Black Cat Coffee before due to personal reasons which no one really knew.

“Oh, the coffee is garbage!” Fiona practically yelled.

“The black coffee is good,” Quigley shrugged his shoulders.

“Every time you’ve babysat Beatrice during the night, you bring a mug of 95% coffee cream. You hate plain black coffee,” Klaus said as he crossed his arms.

“I like it more now,” Quigley hopped out of his desk. “And I’m going to get some right now,”

“Get me a chai iced tea!” Fiona yelled, standing up from her seat for a few seconds before plopping back down.

“Klaus, do you want anything?” Quigley asked.

“I want Karen to stop being a bitch,” Klaus said, referring to his ex-wife.

“I meant coffee, do you want any coffee?” Quigley said.

“Uh, sure. I’ll have just plain coffee,” Klaus answered the question properly. As Quigley left the office, Klaus turned his chair towards Fiona’s desk. “Can I rant about Karen quickly?” He asked.

“The shit ex-wife? Go ahead,” Fiona said, turning her chair once again to face Klaus.

Klaus took a quick breath before starting to talk extraordinarily fast. “She has had Beatrice for almost the entire month and I’ve only had her three days and Karen already is calling me saying she has to go back home even though the agreement was that I get her for one week a month. Like, she's mine and Duncan's daughter as well and, yet, she never acts like it. She also took Beatrice to see Hamilton without even telling me and, of course, she loved it so now I have to take her to do something fun to seem like a cool parent as well,” Klaus stopped to take a quick breath and started to talk slightly slower, “I just wish I’d be able to spend at least one full week with Beatrice before she has to go back to fucking Clivesdale,”

“You could go to court,” Fiona suggested.

“I don’t wanna see Karen in person,”

“It can’t be illegal to kidnap your own kid, right?”

“I’m fairly sure it’s illegal no matter what,”

“Well how do you know? You aren’t a cop,”

“And your brother is, you should know its illegal,”

“Me and my brother are like you and your sister,”

“Don’t talk about her, please,”

“Fine.” Fiona turned her chair back to her desk. Klaus did the same and went back to filling out his reports.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Black Cat Coffee was an unfortunately placed coffee shop. It down the street of a Starbucks, a place people would much rather go. Quigley hadn’t fully known who had first established Black Cat Coffee, just that a girl named Ellington Feint had owned it for many years now. She was rarely seen at the counter and would mostly hide out or drink black coffee at one of the tables. Carmelita Spats had also worked at the very unfortunately placed coffee shop. Quigley had known barely anything about her as well, she was a friend of his siblings and appeared to be sassy yet an okay person. He had meet worse people. There had been many other baristas, but those had been the main two who’d be there when Quigley went.

Another barista had joined them a few weeks ago. Quigley hadn’t known her well at all. He could recall seeing her somewhere, but he was never sure where. Possibly highschool? She seem kind, however. Very different to Carmelita.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Black Cat Coffee was close to empty. Violet Baudelaire had been standing by the register, waiting for someone to come in. As she waited, Violet messed around with the broken coffee maker that was destined to get thrown out. She messed around with it in peace until she heard the bell that rang every time someone entered or exited the coffee shop. Violet wanted to move the sign that said ‘Tip for a Song’ but she hadn’t had enough time. The person who entered was already walking over.

“Hi, how can I help you?” Violet said, smiling towards the customer. She hoped this customer would be a dick and not tip.

“Yeah yeah yeah,” The customer looked up from their phone for a mere second before looking back down at the device, “Can I get a grande caramel frappe in a venti cup with ten pumps of hazelnut, three shots of espresso, no caramel drizzle, with whip on top?”

Violet nodded her head as they finished talking. “Sure, that’ll be five fifty,” Violet said as she walked towards the unbroken coffee machine. All she had to make was one grande caramel frappe in a venti cup with ten pumps of hazelnut, three shots of espresso, no caramel drizzle, with whip on top. Which sounded disgusting, but Violet knew if she told the customer that she’d be out of a job rather quickly.

“Jesus, fine,” The customer said. They hadn’t gotten out five dollars and fifty cents, instead they put a dollar into the ‘Tip for a Song’ jar. “Hey!”

“Yeah?” Violet looked up from where she had been preparing a grande caramel frappe in a venti cup with ten pumps of hazelnut, three shots of espresso, no caramel drizzle, with whip on top.

“I just tipped you,” The customer said, their attention had returned back to the phone.

“Oh, well, thank you,” Violet said, hoping the customer, who had ordered a grande caramel frappe in a venti cup with ten pumps of hazelnut, three shots of espresso, no caramel drizzle, with whip on top, hadn’t expected her to sing any song.

“Aren’t you going to sing? The sign says tip for a song,” The customer looked up from their phone once again and looked at Violet.

The customer had expected her to sing a song. “Well, yeah, um, that’s like a new thing...The owner went to Cold Stone Creamery this weekend and brought back this whole singing thing. But, you know, there’s a line and people are working. I wouldn’t want to disturb anyone,” Violet stopped working on the grande caramel frappe in a venti cup with ten pumps of hazelnut, three shots of espresso, no caramel drizzle, with whip on top and walked towards the customer as she talked.

The customer laughed for a second, “I don’t care. I just tipped you, hurry up and sing,”

Violet understood why this customer had ordered a caramel frappe in a venti cup with ten pumps hazelnut, three shots of espresso, no caramel drizzle, with whip on top. They lacked brain cells. “Okay. Well, did you do that to be nice or did you do it to be an asshole?” Violet asked the customer who ordered a caramel frappe in a venti cup with ten pumps hazelnut, three shots of espresso, no caramel drizzle, with whip on top.

“Fine, I’ll take it back,” The customer said as he reached his hand into the tip jar and pulled out a dollar.

“Oh no! What am I gonna do without that **dollar** that I have to split with five other people?” Violet said, she wanted to dump the grande caramel frap in a venti cup with ten pumps of hazelnut, three shots of espresso, no caramel drizzle, with whip on top onto that customer. She hadn’t however.

“You know what?” The customer said, “That signs bullshit! I’m never coming here again,”

“Oh my god, so mean!” Violet said in a whiny voice as the customer stormed out. She flipped them off as they left.

“Violet, what's the deal over here?” Ellington Feint, Violet Baudelaires boss, asked.

Violet turned towards her boss, “That customer flipped out on me for practically no reason” Violet explained.

Suddenly, a child in a snow scout uniform appeared out of a dark-ish corner of Black Cat Coffee. “She wouldn’t sing for them...And I still haven’t gotten my hot chocolate,”

“Shit” Violet said quietly, “I’m sorry, I’ll get started on that right now,”

“I have very low blood sugar,” The child in a snow scout uniform went back into the dark-ish corner of Black Cat Coffee.

Ellington looked towards the child in a snow scout uniform as they disappeared back into the dark-ish corner, “We’ll get you a voucher,” Ellington told them in a kind enough voice. She quickly turned back towards Violet, both people ignoring the small bell ring that came from the door as someone new walked in. “My god, Violet, come on. I have already warned you twice!”

Violet looked away from the hot chocolate she had been making, “It’s embarrassing, Ellington!” Violet complained, “I mean, maybe Carmelita is okay with the whole singing thing because she majored in theatre,”

Carmelita came out of the employees only room and was standing right next to Ellington Feint. “I think it’s very non-cakesniffer idea, Ellie,” Carmelita said in a voice that showed she was trying to suck up to Ellington.

“Why aren’t you working?” Violet leaned her back against the counter and asked.

“Oh, I’m on vocal rest,” Carmelita replied quietly.

“What?” Violet asked.

“I’m on vocal re-,” Carmelita said louder, she took a quick breath before continuing, “Goddammit, Violet. Now, I need to make a tea with honey, okay. Oh my god..” Carmelita said as she turned around and headed back to the employee only room.

“Look, can Carmelita just do the singing? I don’t like it,” Violet returned to the hot chocolate she was making.

“So then you must not like working here,” Ellington replied quickly, “Don’t even bother showing up for your next shift,”

Ellington began to also head back to the employee only room. “What? Are you serious? Wait, wait, wait!” Violet turned and walked towards Ellington, abandoning the hot chocolate once again. “I will do the singing,” Violet said.

“You will. Now, move your ass. You got a line,” Ellington said before turning around once again and making her way to the employee only room.

Violet looked towards her next customer. She wondered how long he’d been there for. “Hi, can I help you?” She said as she took a few steps towards the cash register.

“Uh yeah, I got an easy one for you. Just a cup of black coffee,” The new customer said, sounding much kinder than the previous one. Violet smiled slightly and went to go make the coffee.

The customer then dropped a tip into the ‘Tip for a Song’ jar. “Jesus! Really?” Violet said in an annoyed tone, she turned to look at the customer. _“I’ve been brewing up your coffee..”_ She sang in the worst tone possible.

“Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. Uh, I’m sorry. No, I don’t need you to sing,” The customer said. Violet stopped singing immediately. “I just tipped because, you know...people should tip,” The customer said, trying to sound cool at the last part.

Violet chuckled slightly. “Well, thank you,” She said, the customer smiled. “I mean, if I have to sing for it, it’s not really a tip, right?” 

“Yeah,” The customer responded.

“It’s just like I have another shitty paying job, on top of my already shitty paying job!” Violet made her way back to the counter so she could continue talking to the customer. “‘Cause I mean, most of my tips are less than a dollar? Which means, after the split, I’m making less than a fucking jukebox! Only, a jukebox doesn’t have to make coffee for these assholes. Not that your an asshole. Well, you might be. What'd you tip?” Violet looked into the tip jar and saw a five dollar bill.

“Five bucks!” Violet picked the five dollar bill out of the jar and looked towards the customer, “This is just for me, right? I don’t have to split it with anyone at all…”

“Oh, no, that’s for you,” The customer said, “I don’t give a shit about them,”

Violet smiled and returned to the black coffee. “That’s very sweet. God, I’m just so sick of Ellington and Carmelita,” Violet said, finishing up the black coffee as she did, “Who is technically my manager, even though she’s the same age as my younger brother. Terrible choice to make her a manager, she hired all of her little theatre friends and they will not _shut the fuck up,_ about some shitty production of godspell they did last summer,”

“That was the one at the rec centre, right?” The customer asked, Violet nodded. “My niece forced me to see it with her. I did not like it,”

“It sucked, right?” Violet had turned back around and began to pour the black coffee into a to-go cup.

“Yeah. Yeah, they shouldn’t call it “Godspell”. More like “god-awful”,” The customer joked.

“Or like, “God-damn-that-was-bad.”” Violet responded

“Yeah!” The customer said before laughing a bit. “I don’t like musicals,” He said after the laughter stopped. “Watching people sing and dance makes me very uncomfortable,”

“Well then why did you come to the singing coffee shop? You know, there’s a Starbucks across the street?” Violet said, looking up at the customer and passing him the coffee as she did.

“Oh, uh...Well, you know, some things are worth it,” The customer smiled towards Violet, she smiled back. “Like,” They took a sip of the black coffee, “Damn good coffee,”

The customer did a thumbs up, Violet did the same. “You come here a lot, right? What’s your name?”

“Quigley,” The customer, Quigley, said.

“Hi Quigley. I’m Violet,” Violet smiled and said kindly.

“Excuse me!” The snow scout child came back from its dark-ish corner, “I have been waiting for a very long time…”

“Sorry, sorry!” Violet walked away from Quigley and back to the, now cold, hot chocolate.

“Well, uh...Bye Violet!” Quigley said to her as he left the coffee shop.


	2. La Dee Dah Dah Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do you wanna save the planet?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rocket is the most innocent cat ever, fight me

CHAPTER 2

**Lee De Dah Dah Day**

Walking home from work was a normal thing for Quigley. He had lived nearby to the office building, it was easier to walk on some days. Some days, Quigley didn’t want to deal with the environmentalist that often hung out on the street he lived on, so he would drive. Quigley had been sure they would’ve been on a different street that day, sadly they hadn’t. The environmentalist had been trying to stop almost everybody he saw. Quigley quickly took his phone out of his pocket and pretended to be messaging someone. That hadn’t stopped the environmentalist.

“Hi, I’m Ernest and are you interested in saving the planet?” Ernest the environmentalist asked Quigley.

Quigley looked up from his phone and tried to think of a good reason to avoid talking to Ernest. “Well uh, yes I am, but I just got off work and-” He said.

Ernest put his hand up as a signal for Quigley to stop talking. “Well, it’ll just take a few minutes. It’s for the planet so…”

“Yeah, but I…” Quigley started to say before being interrupted.

“I just want to tell you how you could contribute to Greenpeace's efforts around the globe,” Ernest said.

“Oh! I’m already signed up with you guys!” Quigley said before trying to walk away.

Ernest smiled and held his clipboard closer, “That’s very generous of you. Have you heard about our new campaign to help the eagles?” Ernest moved in front of Quigley and asked.

“Been getting all the emails,” Quigley said as he nodded his head awkwardly.

“Really? They’ve been sending emails about the campaign I just made up?” Ernest looked directly at Quigley, “You don’t give to Greenpeace, do you?”

Quigley hadn’t fully known what to do. He stood in silence for a minute before saying what had come to his head. “How much of your money would even go to the eagles?”

“Well, none of it. I made that up,” Ernest replied.

“That’s right, none,” Quigley said before managing to walk away. “I give my money directly to the people that need it,”

“Spare change for the homeless,” The local homeless man named Olaf asked as Quigley walked by.

“Sorry. I don’t have any,” Quigley said to Olaf before walking away.

“Real humanitarian,” Ernest commented before he looked down at his clipboard.

“And you’ve come on a little strong with the whole ‘saving the planet’ thing. As if I can do that all alone,” Quigley moved back over to Ernest as he talked.

“Well, you know what-?” Ernest started before getting interrupted by lightning and thunder.

A storm had seemingly started out of the blue. The clouds weren’t dark before, they were barely dark now. Lightning and thunder had just started to happen. Rain slowly followed. Starting off small, just little drops, before falling out of the sky at the speed of light.

“Fucking shit..” Quigley mumbled before running the rest of the way home, trying to stay as dry as possible.

  
  


\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What the fuck is going on outside?” Isadora Quagmire thought aloud. She had been sitting in her office, peacefully writing out a poem she had spent most of the day thinking about. It was quiet in the house as Fiona hadn’t returned home from work yet. Isadora was fairly sure Fiona had just been picking up Carmelita Spats so the three could all go see Mamma Mia that night.

The thunder was an annoying thing to hear. It kept disrupting Isadora’s train of thought. Her goal to finish the poem before having to get ready for Mamma Mia, it was seeming less realistic with every bang of thunder that happened.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Oh god, cherry on top of an already perfect day!” Violet said sarcastically. Intense rain and thunder just had to happen on that day. Violet looked next to her, where Carmelita Spats was, “Carmelita, do you want a ride?” She asked.

“In your shitty car? Yeah, I’d rather not crash and die,” Carmelita said, not looking at Violet as she talked. “I have a ride anyways,”

“Could’ve started with that,” Violet said quietly. She tightened her sweater and began to walk towards where her car was.

Carmelita had been right in saying Violets car had been shitty. It had been a cheap one she purchased when she first moved to Hatchetfield, her real car had still been in fucking Winnipeg. Violet needed to find a way to get her car to Hatchetfield. She hadn’t known how to exactly contact the people she had been living with during her time in Winnipeg however. It made it much more of a challenge to get her real car.

Violet had noticed Carmelita still standing by the entrance as she drove out of Black Cat Coffees parking lot. “Are you sure you don’t want a ride?” Violet rolled down her window and asked Carmelita.

“I told you I already have a ride,” Carmelita reponsed. Violet rolled her window up and rolled her eyes. Continuing to drive away.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Klaus Baudelaire had been driving home from work. Duncan Quagmire, his boyfriend, had been sitting in the passenger seat, constantly warning Klaus about the large puddles that were forming on the road.

“Could you call Beatrice for me?” Klaus asked, his eyes on the puddle filled road.

“Yeah, of course. Want me to put it on speaker?” Duncan said. He had picked up Klaus’ phone, which was in an empty cup-holder, and began to dial Beatrice’s phone number.

“Yes please,” Klaus said.

Duncan had done exactly what Klaus had asked him to do. He had dialed Beatrice’s phone number and put it on speaker. Klaus’ had hoped Beatrice would answer rather quickly.

“Hey Dad,” Beatrice had answered the phone. Duncan and Klaus had been able to hear the rain from her end of the phone, as well as their end.

“Hi sweetie, want me to come pick you up?” Klaus asked, smiling towards the phone for a split second. He didn’t want to take his eyes off the road for too long. He knew what could happen if he did.

“No, I’m good. Friday could give me a ride home,” Beatrice responded. “Is papa with you?” Beatrice asked quickly.

“Right here Bea,” Duncan responded as he waved towards the phone

“Hi! Could I borrow some old newspapers for a project?” Beatrice sounded excited when she said ‘Hi’ and asked her question.

“As long as you don’t break them. Go ahead,” Duncan replied.

“Thank you!” Beatrice said, still sounding excited. Duncan assumed she had been smiling.

“Oh, Beatrice?” Klaus said.

“Am I in trouble?” Beatrice asked, her tone of excitement being replaced by worry.

“No, not at all,” Klaus assured his daughter, “I just wanted to say that I got the Mamma Mia tickets,”

“Yes!” Beatrice’s excited and happy tone returned, “Do you have one for Friday or Uncle Quigley?”

“Uncle Quigley doesn’t like musicals Bea,” Duncan reminded Beatrice.

“I have evidence against that,” Beatrice responded.

“We’ve been over this Beatrice, he only went to see Moana, Frozen, Mamma Mia, and Le Mis with you because your his favourite niece,” Klaus told Beatrice.

“He never complained about Moana,” Beatrice said.

“You didn’t hear him at work,” Klaus replied.

“I don’t believe you,” Beatrice said, going quiet for a second, “I got to go now, bye,”

“Bye sweetie,” Klaus looked towards the phone again for a second.

“Remember, be home in one hour,” Duncan said, “I’ll see you then Bea,”

Beatrice had hung up. Duncan and Klaus continued their ride in peace.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fiona had pulled up to Black Cat Coffee shop. Carmelita had been standing outside, by herself. Latte Hottay and the crabby one must’ve left. Fiona beeped her car horn until Carmelita got into the passenger seat of the car.

“Okay, Mamma Mia is in two hours,” Fiona said. Starting to drive right after Carmelita got into the car.

“What?” Carmelita asked as she put her seatbelt on.

“Mamma Mia starts in two hours and you are coming,” Fiona looked over to Carmelita and said.

“You want me to get ready for Mamma Mia with only a two hours notice?” Carmelita said, sounding slightly shocked.

“Yeah, two hours is enough time,” Fiona said, shifting her eyes back to the road.

“Two hours is not enough time,”

“How about one hundred twenty minutes?”

“That's two hours,”

“Is it enough time?”

“No!”

“Well then, have fun being half ready at Mamma Mia,”

Carmelita didn’t respond. She just glared at Fiona before rolling her eyes. Fiona hadn’t taken any offence to the eye roll. Mostly because she hadn’t seen Carmelita do it and because she knew her friend would still enjoy Mamma Mia, even if she was half ready.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The rain and thunder had been so loud, Lemony Snicket could hear it from his almost soundproof house. He had made his way towards the window to catch a glimpse of what had been happening. Rain and lighting along with something else had been falling from the sky. Thunder seemed to follow almost every drop of rain.

“Good god!” Lemony yelled, staring out the window like he had been in a rather depressing music video. “Alexa, it’s happening!” Lemony called out to his alexa.

Lemony switched his position so he would no longer look like he had been in a depressing music video. “Come on, you bastard! You don’t think I’m ready for you? I’ve been waiting in the wings. The stage is set. It is showtime!” Lemony yelled to his window. He closed the blinds and moved away as lighting hit a spot close to his home.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The rain, thunder, and lighting had continued throughout the night. Quigley had managed to get some sleep. Not a lot, but some. By morning the storm had come to a close. All that remained were puddles.

As Quigley got ready for the day, he turned on the news and prepared a cup of coffee that was ninety percent cream.

“This is the morning news with Deborah and Cleo!” Deborah or Cleo said in their radio announcer voice.

“They said he couldn’t make it. That he had fallen too deep into the water, but this little cat beat the odds and captured our hearts. Now recovering from his fall into water, Rocket the Hatchetfield family friendly cat has outgrown his previous set of blankets,”

“Rocket!” Quigley said, sounding shocked and excited. He had heard about Rocket the cats story nearly every morning when getting ready for work.

“Luckily his owners have been working hard with their GoFundMe page to buy Rocket new blankets and a lifejacket,” Deborah or Cleo continued to talk in their radio announcer voice “Something else has fallen in Hatchetfield. This time, it came from the sky,”

“That is right, last night a meteor fell from-” Deborah or Cleo said. Quigley had shut the radio off before the end of the segment.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quigley had ended up having to walk to work again as he couldn’t find the keys for his car. He had hoped Ernest the environmentalist wouldn’t be out again. It hopefully had been too early.

As Quigley walked down the street, he noticed people dancing. It had been odd. No one ever danced well walking down the street at eight in the morning.

“Sorry,” Quigley said to one of the dancers which he had gotten in the way of.

“That was interesting,” Quigley said after watching two people do split jumps across the street. “And seems like a lot,” He said after watching more people copy the original split jumpers.

Ernest the environmentalist had then walked up to Quigley. He stood next to him and smiled oddly.

“Why are you here? You know I’m not…” Quigley said before getting interrupted.

_“Hey, yeah! Just a typical day,”_ Ernest the environmentalist began to sing.

“What?” Quigley asked.

_“Got me feelin’ in a beautiful way! No rhyme or reason,”_ Ernest continued to sing. Quigley moved closer to make sure the man had been okay. Ernest had then grabbed Quigley’s hand and continued to sing, _“We could sing a duet! Dance a style or two,”_

Ernest let go of Quigleys hand and continued to sing his weird song, _“Or I’ll make you a bet, just a smile will do!”_ People had began to dance along with Ernest’s singing, _“Sometimes I just wanna shout, atop of roofs and mountain tops. All the world is paved in gold.”_

“Are these people with Greenpeace too or…?” Quigley asked Ernest and one of the people who were dancing.

_“Yesterday was retroactive, got myself a new perspective, I strut it up and down the road.”_ Ernest singed, more people crowded around and danced, _“So I throw my worries, and my old skin away, doing what I want to, on this la dee dah dah day!”_

Everyone nearby, besides Quigley, joined in on singing and dancing like a flashmob of some sort had been going on. _“La dee dah dah day!”_ Everyone else stopped singing.

Ernest continued on with his solo _“La dee dah dah, la dee dah dah, la dee dah dah day!”_

_“La dee dah dah day!”_ Everyone else sang once again, _“La dee dah dah, la dee dah dah, la dee dah dah day, la dee dah dah day!”_

“What the fuck is going on?” Quigley asked aloud.

“Oh, spare change for the homeless?” Olaf asked, thankfully not in song.

“Sorry, I don’t have any,” Quigley said, trying to walk away.

“Hey man, thats cool,” Olaf said, patting Quigley on the back. He walked over towards the group of singers.

_“‘Cause I may not have a home, but that’s way okay, ‘cause I prefer to roam the streets all day, the world is my house, the dogs are my food,”_ Olaf had started to sing, his voice worst than the rest. He then grabbed a garbage bag from the ground, _“Oh, look a new blouse! And a new trash can too!”_

Olaf dramatically jogged back towards Quigley, _“I used to want to kill them all while high on bath salt zombie drugs and snacking on a dead mans face”_

“What?” Quigley asked, slightly scared.

_Olaf moved away from Quigley and began to dance with the rest of the group “But that feels just like yesterday, this song takes all the pain away, my politics and house views change. Dancing on concrete used to hurt a lot. But now I got new feet, and this jams just way too hot!”_

_“La dee dah dah day!”_ Everyone sang once again, _“La dee dah dah, la dee dah dah, la dee dah dah day, la dee dah dah day!”_

“I’m very confused and concerned by all this...” Quigley said, walking toward a stranger who hadn’t been fully dancing.

_“Do you wanna save the planet!?”_ Ernest sang, interrupting any conversation that could’ve been happening.

_“Of course you want to save the planet!”_ Everyone else sang back.

_“Do you wanna save the planet?”_ Ernest sang once again.

_“Well, there's just one way you can do it,”_ Everyone sang back,

Ernest pulled Quigley into a half hug and continued to sing, _“By singing a song,”_

_“Singing a song,”_ Everyone sang back.

_“Singing along!”_ Ernest and everyone else sang.

Ernest then released Quigley from the awkward half hug and everyone then began to overlap each other with singing the base of the song, ‘La dee dah dah’

_“La dee dah dah, la dee dah dah, la dee dah dah day, la dee dah dah day!”_ Everyone sang as they clapped around in a circle, _“La dee dah dah, la dee dah dah, la dee dah dah day, la dee dah dah day!_ _  
__“La dee dah dah day!”_ Ernest sang.

“Day!” Everyone else sang on top of what Ernest was singing. Striking a pose once they had finished.

“What the..” Quigley started to say before getting interrupted once again.

“Lights down!” Everyone who had previously been singing yelled. They all began to walk away, some staying in a group and other going by themselves.

Quigley stood in silence for a bit. Just nodding his head as he tried to understand what the fuck had just happened. He continued to walk, slower than he had been before.

“Okay.” He said and continued to walk down the street. “Okay? Okay.”


	3. Who the Hell is Paul?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mr.Poe gets a solo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so so fucking sorry for what your about to witness

CHAPTER 3

**Who the hell is Paul?**

“How often do you celebrate ‘Bring Your Wife to Work’ day?” Klaus asked Fiona and Isadora. Isadora had come to the office with Fiona and was spinning around in a chair that was supposed to be for some guy named Paul.

“That’s not a real thing,” Isadora said, stopping the chair for a moment.

“Isadora is here because it’s my break,” Fiona told Klaus, moving to sit on her wifes lap as she did.

“It is literally eight in the morning,” Klaus said, checking his watch to make sure he had gotten the time right.

Quigley had walked into the office, still mumbling the word ‘Okay’ to himself. “Hey guys, is today some kind of Canadian holiday or something? Like uh….International Musical Theatre Day or…?” Quigley asked, trying to get an answer for the singing he witnessed on his way to work.

“That’s March twenty-seventh, so no,” Klaus replied.

Quigley nodded his head. Scared and interested about the fact International Musical Theatre Day is a real thing. “Okay, ‘cause I just um..” Quigley let out a nervous and awkward laugh, “I just saw some people dancing and singing like they were in a musical. There this homeless guy and Ernest from greenpeace. They did this whole-”

“Was it a flashmob?” Isadora’s head shot up as she asked the question.

“Yeah, sure. I mean, what else could it have been?” Quigley looked towards his sister and nodded. She had to be right.

“Did you get a video?” Fiona asked, her head shooting up just as Isadoras had.

“No,” Quigley said simply.

“You’re being fucking useless right now,” Isadora jokingly told her brother.

“Says the person spinning around in a chair,” Klaus replied.

“Touche,” Isadora nodded her head slightly and began to spin around again.

“Yeah, I just have a really bad feeling about all this,” Quigley said. He looked towards Fiona who had been oddly quiet, “Fiona, have you noticed anything strange lately?”

Fiona looked at Quigley and shrugged her shoulders. “Well when Fernald came over this morning he was singing and it didn’t sound shitty. I’m pretty sure he was just drunk,”  
Quigley walked over to Fiona. “What was he singing?”

_ “La dee dah dah day,”  _ Isadora sang.

“Yeah, that,” Fiona pointed to Isadora, who’s lap she had still been sitting on.

Quigley opened his mouth, as if he was going to continue to talk more, but Mr.Poe's assistant had arrived.

“Quigley. Mr.Poe would like to see you in his office,” Mr.Poe's assistant said. 

Quigley turned towards her as she talked. “Shit! I forgot to hand in my monthly reports yesterday,” Quigley said aloud to himself. He quickly walked to Mr.Poe's office and prepared himself to get yelled at.

Mr.Poe has been sitting at his desk, a large newspaper covering his face. It was likely the newspaper his wife wrote as Mr.Poe never appeared to read anything else.

“Hey Mr.Poe, I think I know why you called me here. I didn’t turn in my reports yesterday,” Quigley took a seat in the chair across from Mr.Poe’s desk. “They’re all very done, but got lost in the printer system,” Quigley lied. He had forgotten to finish them. “Whenever I try to print something, it goes to someone else’s printer. But don’t worry, I’ll go on a search for my reports today and make sure they are handed in by the end of the day,”

_ “What do you want, Paul?”  _ Mr.Poe removed the newspaper from his face and sang the simple words.

“Who’s Paul?” Quigley asked. He hadn’t understood why Mr.Poe had called him Paul.

_ “Tell me what you desire to see, your deepest intent Paul,”  _ Mr.Poe folded up the newspaper as he continued to sing.  _ “What do ya see for this company? I’m looking for someone with strong ambition, someone to tell their specific vision,  _ _ someone to share with precise precision their thoughts,” _

Mr.Poe proceeded to get out of the chair and stand up, resting one of his legs on top of the chair.  _ “‘Cause I want you to want,”  _ Mr.Poe stared directly at Quigley  _ “To want!” _

Mr.Poe moved off leg off the chair and began to dramatically walk around, lifting his knees up to his chest with every step. His arms moved in a cartoonish motion. “So what do you want, Paul?”

“I’m Quigley,” Quigley said, looking towards Mr.Poe.

“What’s that one concrete goal that motivates all your actions?” Mr.Poe asked, still moving in his cartoonish motion.

“I don’t have one of those!” Quigley responded quickly.

“Well, then how is anyone supposed to sympathize with you, Paul?” Mr.Poe asked. He no longer was moving in a cartoonish motion, instead he moved closer to Quigley.

“I’m not Paul!” Quigley looked at Mr.Poe and said.

_ “I want you to want Paul,”  _ Mr.Poe had grabbed Quigleys shoulders as he continued to sing,  _ “A man so vague just can’t be trusted.” _

Mr.Poe moved slightly away from Quigley and clenched one of his fists,  _ “Something you pine for!”  _ Mr.Poe then moved away and started to make a shape with many many curves,  _ “Maybe someone who keeps you lusted!” _

“That’s too many,” Quigley said quietly.

_ “I’m just a boss, I’m not an idea guy. I hire you Pauls to keep our stocks high,”  _ Mr.Poe moved back to Quigley and placed his hands on his shoulder once again,  _ “But if you can’t pin the point that’s in the sky! Then I want you to want!”  _ Mr.Poe moved again,  _ “To want!” _

_ “Do you know what for myself!”  _ Mr.Poe sang as he dramatically walked to the corner of the room, stopping to do a quick and horrible dance.

“Okay?” Quigley responded, very scared and confused about what the fuck was happening.

_ “I’ve waited for so long to tell somebody else!”  _ Mr.Poe stopped singing as he ran over to his desk, picking up a picture of his wife,  _ “Eleanor, my wife, you’re my muse, my source of light. Eleanor, my love, I want you to choke me out at night,” _

“Uh huh?” Quigley looked off in the opposite direction, now feeling more uncomfortable than scared.

Mr.Poe held the picture close and walked around the small office,  _ “I want you to choke me,” _

“This seems like a private moment,” Quigley said. He switched the direction he was looking in once again.

_ “I want you to choke me,”  _ Mr.Poe continued to sing, holding the picture of his wife close.

“Like who is this for?” Quigley asked, still feeling extremely uncomfortable.

_ “I want you to choke me, while I jerk off. I want you to choke me, while I jerk off!  _ Mr.Poe walked back over to his desk and rested the picture of his wife down, “Jacquelyn, get my wife on phone for me,”

“Mr.Poe, I think I should leave,” Quigley said as he stood up from the chair.

“No Paul! I want you to hear this, if you leave you’re fired,” Mr.Poe said. Quigley took a seat back in the chair and wished he had called in sick to work that day.

Mr.Poe picked up his phone and talked loudly to his wife. “Eleanor! Yes, everything is fine. I just wanted to tell you something,” Mr.Poe took a small pause and his face made an overdramatized expression of being scared, “I uh...I forgot what was gonna say. Maybe someday I’ll remember. Goodbye…”

Mr.Poe placed the phone back down.  _ Paul! Now you know what it is to want!”  _ Mr.Poe scream-sang.

“I want to go home!” Quigley said back. His tone indicating how uncomfortable he was.

_ “It consumes a man with passion to drive the primary plot!”  _ Mr.Poe sang once again.  _ “So take up yoga or improv classes. There’s gotta be something to keep my hands off you, off you!”  _ Mr.Poe sang as he walked over to Quigley, his hands out in front of him.

“Oh no!” Quigley said very quickly as he jumped out of the seat and walked towards the door in Mr.Poe’s office.

Mr.Poe stepped on top of the chair Quigley had been sitting in as he continued to sing,  _ “”Cause I want you to want!” _

“Mr.Poe, I’m going to get some coffee. Do you want anything?” Quigley said as Mr.Poe took a short break from singing.

_ “No, I need you to want!”  _ Mr.Poe pointed at Quigley as he sang.

“How about a black coffee? Nothing better!” Quigley asked. Quickly, he left the office. Mr.Poe had gotten distracted by standing on top of the chair.

_ “And if you don’t want, we’re through!”  _ Mr.Poe sang.

“Paul?” Mr.Poe said, looking to his right. “Paul?” Mr.Poe said, looking to his left.

“Paul!” Mr.Poe sung in the highest note he could possibly reach.


	4. Get Your Cup of Roasted Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one should ever trust Carmelita Spats to make their coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about how short this is, I swear longer chapters are coming

CHAPTER 4

**Get Your Cup Of Roasted Coffee**

“Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, alright,” Quigley took a deep breath and looked around. He had been standing outside Black Cat Coffee Shop “I don’t know what just happened, but it didn’t. I am one hundred percent I was dreaming and just need some coffee,” Quigley told himself, somewhat quietly, before entering Black Cat Coffee shop.

When he walked in, he noticed no one had been at the counter. Customers had just been sitting, drinking whatever coffee they ordered. Quigley walked towards the empty counter and hit the small bell a couple of times.

“Hello?” Quigley said loudly, peaking his behind the counter, “Please god, I just want a black coffee!” Quigley said slightly louder. Somehow no one in Black Cat Coffee was staring at him. It had been surprising.

Music started playing from a piano in the corner. Violet appeared from the back, holding a coffee pot in her hand  _ “Black coffee, I’m your coffee gal-”  _ Violet came out singing. Her back had been facing Quigley.

“No! No!” Quigley yelled, Violet stopped singing and turned to face Quigley, “Not you too, Violet, please don’t sing!” Quigley hadn’t been in the mood for another song like Mr.Poe’s. He hadn’t been in the mood for music ever since.

“Okay, okay. I’ll stop. Oh, I didn’t forget. You’re the guy who doesn’t like musicals, Quigley, right?” Violet said. She remembered him.

“Violet,” Quigley said, speaking at a normal volume and sounding much less nervous than before. “You are talking, like a normal person, You’re talking to me,”

“And If Madam Ellington Feint catches me, I’m toast,” Violet said as she started to make a black coffee for Quigley, “New company policy, we have to sing every second of the goddamn day,”

“Violet, I think something really messed up is happening with the world,” Quigley said.

“Fucking tell me about it. I spent all morning learning some tip song and dance, both made by Carmelita ‘oh I’m so perfect’ Spats,” Violet complained. She had finished making Quigley's coffee, but when she had gone to pass it to him he set it right down. Quigley had grabbed her hand and brought her to the other side of the Black Cat Coffee.

“Quigley, what is going on?” Violet asked, pulling her hand away once Quigley stopped walking.

“I feel like there’s something….sinister infecting Hatchetfield,” Quigley said, his tone sounding nervous.

“Do you want me to get you a glass of water or…?” Violet asked and waited for a response. She assumed Quigley had been drunk or something. Something that would place him in the headspace that he appeared to be in.

“No thank you, I’m good,” Quigley said, “I uh, I know this is going to sound crazy, and not very scary, but it is scary if you think about the implications. Promise me you’ll think about the implications,” Quigley had sounded insane.

“I don’t make promises, but, uh, sure,” Violet said, backing away slightly.

“Well, Violet, I uh, I think the world is becoming a musical,” Quigley said, sounding more insane than he had before. Violet continued to back away, nodding her head as she did. “Just let that sink in, please,” Quigley said.

“Sure, fine,” Violet said, no longer moving away.

“Now, are you frightened?” Quigley asked, he sounded an odd mix of terrified and insane.

“I think I am starting to get a little frightened,” Violet said. Not referring to Quigleys theory about Hatchetfield becoming a musical, “Just sit down and I’ll bring you a glass of water, okay?” Violet told Quigley. She moved back over to him just to guide him to a chair in the coffee shop.

Then, a small bell had chimed. “Violet! Tip!” The voice of Ellington Feint and Carmelita Spats said.

“Oh thank god,” Violet said quietly, “Sorry Quigley, I gotta do this shit tip song. Sorry!” Violet said to Quigley as she walked into the middle of Black Cat Coffee.

Carmelita Spats and Ellington Feint had already been standing in their spots, Violet had walked over to hers. The piano had started playing a tune you’d hear in a classic coffee advertisement.

_ “Get your cup of roasted coffee,”  _ All three girls sang. Their hands were placed on their left hip and they walked forwards.  _ “Your morning cup of joe-y,”  _ All three girls sang once again. As they sang, their right hand moved off their hip and across the front of them in a straight line.

_ “We’ll make a jamming cup of java, mocha latte with the froth for you jack,”  _ Ellington, Violet, and Carmelita all sang. They did the actions of making such a drink well singing, turning in a circle and clapping at the end.  _ “Frappuccino with a freshly roasted mung bean,”  _ The girls sang as they walked in a line,  _ “It’s a caramel drizzle mod in a cup”  _ This time, Ellington, Violet, and Carmelita all brought their hand up to their cheek as they sang.  _ “With a drip, drip, drip, drip, drip. And we’ll bring it right up,”  _ Carmelita and Violets choreography had to act like they were pouring coffee into Ellington’s hand. It had been odd.

_ “Hey Mr.Business, how do you do?”  _ Ellington sang alone, waving her hand as if she was a queen. Violet and Carmelita stood behind her and swayed back and forth.  _ “Can we get a triple for you?”  _ Ellington continued to sing alone, her actions changed so she would now be moving her hands as if she were asking a question.

“ _ Decaf!”  _ Ellington sang loudly.

_ “Wha-at?”  _ Violet and Carmelita sang as they ran forward.

_ “Decaf!”  _ Ellington sang once again.

_ “Wha-at?”  _ Violet and Carmelita also sang again. The girls had proceeded to run into a line _ “Dit dit, dee de dit, dee de dit, dee de dit,”  _ All the girls sang as they stepped and snapped in their line.

_ “And we’ll bring it right up!”  _ Ellington, Violet, and Carmelita sang, shifting into a new position.  _ “Oy oy oy!”  _ They all semi-sang and began to run and pass coffee out to customers. Quigley hadn’t gotten a cup of coffee, but he hadn’t minded.

“Violet!” Carmelita and Ellington said together. Violet walked back over and joined Carmelita and Ellington. They did a random quick dance before the customers all stood up and took a sip of their drink.

“Ah….” All the customers who had sips of their drinks said, it was oddly synchronized. 

_ “And we’ll bring it, and we’ll bring it,” _ Ellington, Carmelita, and Violet all sang together.

_ “Right.” _ Ellington sang alone.

_ “Right,”  _ Violet sang next.

_ “Right,”  _ Carmelita sang last.

_ “And we’ll bring it right up!”  _ They all sang together.

Violet had stopped dancing and was prepared to continue on with her job when she realized that Carmelita and Ellington were continuing to dance. The piano music continued.

“Hey, wait a minute! What is this?” Violet said as she tried to copy the fast paced dance moves Carmelita and Ellington were doing. “Why is there more?” Violet asked, Carmelita and Ellington gave no response. “Ellington?” Violet tried to get her bosses attention but failed. “Stop this, stop the piano!” Violet yelled, the piano became quiet and Ellington and Carmelita stopped dancing. They returned back to the position of having both of their hands on one hip, they stared at Violet with cartoonish smiles.

“What was that? A whole other section?” Violet looked between Carmelita and Ellington, waiting for an answer. “When did you have time to fucking learn that?” Violet asked, still receiving no answers to her question.

Violet took a second to breath, calming herself down. “You know what? When I got this job, I agreed to serving coffee and week old pastries. If I wanted to be in a musical, I’d be in a damn musical!” Violet said, walking slightly closer to her boss and employee as she continued to talk, “That’s right Carmelita, I was in Brigadoon in high school and I fucking killed it. But now, I’m just trying to make ends meet while I make my way through community college and I can do that by doing another shitty job, I quit!”

“You can’t quit Violet,” Carmelita and Ellington moved so they would be blocking the door. Their voices had a creepy, singsongy tone to it.

“Last I checked, I could quit whenever the fuck I wanted to,” Violet said as she tried to push past Ellington and Carmelita.

“The song is so simple. We’ll teach it to you!” Carmelita and Ellington said in the same tone. All the customers who had consumed their drink began to cough, “Why everyone here will be singing it soon!”

“What are you talking about?” Violet asked as she glanced around the coffee shop. Customers had been falling on the floor and coughing up blood. “Quigley?” Violet looked to the seat where she made Quigley sit. He seemed fine.

“They’ve all had their coffee, their apotheosis will be upon them at any minute,” Carmelita and Ellington said, smiling around at the coughing customers.

“What the hell did you do to the coffee?” Violet grabbed the coffee pot and looked inside. A blue goo had been inside the coffee pot, “This is fucking illegal!” Violet yelled.

The piano started to play again. The exact same tune came on. Ellington and Carmelita began to walk closer to Violet.

_ “Get your cup of poisoned coffee!”  _ They sang together as they continued to walk towards Violet.

“What is this?” Violet asked, no one answered her.

_ “Your toxic cup of joey! We’ll make a twisted cup of java mocha latte with the goo for you, jack,”  _ Carmelita and Ellington came closer and started clapping. Violet managed to move past them.  _ “Jack, Jack, Jack!” _

All the customers who had once been lying on the floor, coughing up blood, began to raise up and sing along with Carmelita and Ellington.  _ “Hey Mr.Business, how do you, how do you, how do you do?” _

“Why are they all singing?” Violet asked nervously. Quigley had walked up behind her and seemed just as scared about all the singing.

“Violet, just run. We need to run!” Quigley said. He and Violet ran out of the store as Ellington, Carmelita, and the customers continued.

_ “We got a double for you!”  _ Carmelita sang alone. All the customers, Ellington, and Carmelita began to skip to the middle of the coffee shop.

_ “Hey Mr.Business,”  _ The customers all sang as they skipped.

_ “And we’ll bring it right up!”  _ Ellington, Carmelita, and the customers all sang. They had finished skipping to their spots and struck a pose as the piano stopped playing.


	5. Show Me You Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> American cops are weird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologizes if this is terrible, I had to edit and post on my phone

CHAPTER 5

**Show Me Your Hands**

Violet and Quigley had run away from Black Cat Coffee shop. They had run away from most of downtown. Violet had been leading the way and was going down many different alleyways, constantly reassuring Quigley that she knew where she was going.

She knew exactly where she was going. Violet had been running from place to place since she was fourteen. The end goal was to leave Hatchetfield forever. Violet had failed at that. She wasn’t fully sure why she had left permanently Winnipeg, maybe it was out of habit. Violet only had one place she would always return to, her father’s house. He could be trusted for awhile. After a couple months, he’d always try to call her mother and other father, but now he couldn’t call them. There’d be no use in calling a dead person, they wouldn’t be able to answer the phone. 

Violet and Quigley hadn’t had a chance to talk as they ran. Violet had many, many, questions, but wanted to wait until they were somewhere safe to ask them. Quigley had many, many, questions as well. However, he was sure Violet would have no answers.

The two had kept running until they reached a large group of trash cans which they could hide behind. Violet continued to lead the way, Quigley still remained close behind her. Both were taking deep breaths as they sat behind the trash cans.

“What the fuck was!?” Violet looked towards Quigley and said. Her tone full of fear. She had looked very confused and scared.

Quigley looked at Violet, “I told you it was scarier than it sounded!” Quigley said. The tone he spoke in was similar to Violet’s.

“The fucking implications,” Violet said, “I didn’t think think about the implications!” Violet had been clearly hyperventilating.

Quigley put his hands onto Violet's shoulders and continued to look at her. “Violet, Violet, shh….” Quigley said softly, trying to forget his own fear for a second, “It’s all right, okay?”

Violet nodded her head. She was looking slightly more calm. But then, one of the trash cans fell and made a loud bang. Violet and Quigley both jumped back and screamed.

“That is a lie!” Duncan said as he appeared from where the trash can had fallen, “It is not “alright” Quigley!”

“My god- Duncan! You scared the shit out of us,” Quigley said.

“But I’m not scary,” Duncan looked towards his brother and said. He had been right, he wasn’t scary. Just as Duncan finished talking, another trash can fell and made a loud bang.

“Oh my fucking god!” Violet yelled as the other trash can fell. “Stop coming out of trash cans!”

“There wasn’t a better hiding spot,” Klaus responded. As Klaus looked towards Violet, his expression on his face changed from one half filled with fear to one filled with anger 

“Can we get a warning next time?” Quigley asked Duncan and Klaus. Both shook their heads.

Another trash can fell with a loud bang. “Isadora!” Quigley yelled at his sister, “What the fuck?”

“I tried to warn you,” Isadora said as she looked between Quigley and Violet.

“Who are all these people?” Violet asked Quigley. She pointed at Duncan, Isadora, and Klaus as she spoke.

“Sister, brother, kinda-brother-in-law,” Quigley explained quickly, pointing to each as he gave a quick explanation on who they were. Violet looked at Klaus the longest, like she had recognized him.

“And why the hell were they all in the trash?” Violet asked, looking back to Quigley as she did.

“Mr.Poe kept calling people into his office and they kept coming out singing and covered in blood!” Duncan said. Klaus and Isadora both nodded.

“Did he...Did he mention anything about…?” Quigley got cut off before he could finish.

“I never got called in,” Klaus said. Quigley was jealous of him for that second. He never heard the horrible song.

“It was the same at the bank, the cannabis dispensaries, and the...wherever else we went,” Isadora said.

“It’s all downtown, we were just at Black Cat!” Quigley explained to Klaus, Duncan, and Isadora.

Suddenly, another trash can fell and Fiona popped out, “Did you finally talk to the Latte Hottay!?” Fiona asked.

“Oh my fucking god theres more of them!” Violet yelled, covering her ears as he trash can fell over.

“Shhh! Shhh! Shut the fuck up!” Fiona looked towards Violet, “If you want to be in our hiding spot, you have to be shutted the fuck up,”

“She’s right, something is going on and we have no clue who we can trust. So, Quigley, hop in a trash can.” Isadora said, tapping on a trash can, “You can go find your own trash can!”

“That's very kind,” Violet sarcastically said.

“She has to go,” Klaus said. He had wanted Violet to leave and never come back, she had done that before. It wouldn't be hard to do it again.

Quigley looked between all his friends, “No, no, Violet is staying with us,” he said.

“I don’t know her!” Fiona explained. Isadora walked over to Fiona and held her hand. She nodded as Fiona spoke.

“You both do! She’s the…” Quigley said, trying to think of a way to say what he wanted to say without using the words ‘Latte Hottay’. “She’s the barista from Black cat…”

“That is not Carmelita,” Fiona pointed out.

“She’s the- you know,” Quigley said. His sister and Fiona still looked confused. “Th….’the Latte Hottay’,” Quigley cringed at what he said. He had tried to sound like Fiona when talking, but failed miserably.

“What?” Violet asked, no one answered her question. She wasn’t sure that she fully wanted an answer.

“Oh, Quigley, that isn’t the latte hottay,” Fiona explained. Her tone made it sound as if she was sorry for Quigley.

“Dearest brother, that’s the crabby one,” Isadora said as she placed her free hand on her brother's shoulder.

“The crabby one who won’t sing when we tip her, you grabbed the wrong one!” Fiona’s tone had gotten louder.

Violet looked at Fiona and Isadora, she could slightly remember who they were. They had come in for coffee after the rule about constant singing was made. Violet had thought one of them was Quigley at first glance. At second glance, she knew it wasn’t Quigley. It made sense she had looked so much like him now, they were related. Fiona and Isadora had ordered coffees, Violet couldn't remember what kind, and then tipped her. They were annoyed when she wouldn’t sing. They hadn’t yelled at her, however. Just annoyed.

“Well fuck you too,” Violet looked over to Isadora and Fiona for a moment before police sirens began to ring.

“Oh I swear if you called-,” Fiona said, annoyance clear in her tone. She had been looking towards Isadora, who was looking between Fiona and the cop car that had been pulling up.

“Fernald has a gun, he can help,” Isadora said, walking over to the cop car.

“He can’t just shoot zombies,” Fiona called out to Isadora.

“What zombies?” Duncan asked, moving closer to Klaus and holding his hand.

“The Mr.Poe zombies,” Fiona looked to Duncan and said.

“His kids?” Klaus asked.

“You’re truly an idiot at times Klaus Baudelaire,” Fiona said to Klaus.

Klaus Baudelaire. Violet knew a Klaus Baudelaire. She glanced towards the tall man, holding hands with his boyfriend or husband. He was very different than Violet remembered. She remembered a shorter, smaller, and more child-like Klaus Baudelaire. He was taller than she was now. When Violet had last talked to him, he was shorter than she was.

When Violet shifted her attention back to reality, a policewoman, who she knew as Kit Snicket, had been standing with her hand in Isadora’s face. The cop’s behind her being Dewey Denouement and someone Violet could only assume was Fernald.

_ “Ma’am I need you to take a step back,”  _ Kit had started to sing.

“Uh fuck off. I wanna talk to Fernald,” Isadora said, flipping off the cop.

_ “You’re facing the law, not the clerk at the ga-ap,”  _ Kit continued to sing.  _ “Yeah we’re cops, yeah we’re cops. You better shape on up,” _

__ Quigley looked towards Isadora, who had been being cornered by the singing cops, “Isadora, get away from the cops, they’re one of the singing things!” He yelled towards his sister. She remained in the corner.

The cops had walked over to Quigley. They managed to drag him into the middle of the alleyway. 

_ “You better empty out all of your pockets,”  _ Kit sung. Quigley started to empty out his pants pockets,  _ “But, don’t empty out all of them pockets,”  _ Dewey and Fernald kicked Quigley, making him go to the ground, and then moved into a triangle shape with Kit,  _ “Yeah we’re cops, yeah we’re cops and we make sense,” _

Kit, Dewey, and Fernald began to walk in a line doing jazz hands. Kit continued on singing,  _ “Show me your hands! Show me those jazz hands, get em up or you’ll end up in cuffs!” _

Isadora had walked away from the corner and helped her brother up. The two joined the group once again, Fiona held Isadora close and Violet stayed near Quigley.

The cops began to shimy away from the group. Kit had still been singing,  _ “Show me those hands, show me those jazz hands,”  _ Fernald grabbed Fiona and pulled her away from Isadora. Bringing her into the middle of the room,  _ “Or I might be inclined to shoot you up!” _

“Okay, my ID is in my back pocket,” Fiona explained as the other cops walked over to her.

Instead of checking her pockets, Fernald grabbed Fiona's wrist and began to make her arm go back and forth.  _ “You go forty in a thirty five. Check your mirror, you’ll find hell has arrived,” _

Dewey, Kit, and Fernald all began to sing together.  _ “‘Cause we’re cops, yeah we’re cops. We’re up in your shit!” _

The cops had made their way back to the triangle position. Dewey listened to something being told to him via radio before reporting it to Fernald and Kit through singing.  _ “Monty lost his snake in a tree,” _

_ “Contact fire, not the HFPD,” _ Kit sang to Dewey.

_ “Cause we’re cops, yeah we’re cops”  _ All three cops sang together before Dewey picked up his radio once again. __   
__ _ “His snake is dead!” _ Dewey reported to the group. He had not sounded remorseful at all. He seemed more happy that the snake was dead. _   
_ __ Kit, Dewey, and Fernald had started doing jazz hands and ball changes once again,  __ “Show me your hands, show me those jazz hands. Get ‘em up or you’ll end up in cuffs,”

__ Kit had left the group and went to the police officers car and appeared to be searching through the back. Dewey and Fernald had still been singing and dancing,  _ “Show me your hands, show me those jazz hands. Or I might be inclined…” _

__ Kit had returned, a megaphone now in her hands. She used it to enhance the sound of her singing,  _ “Step away from the vehicle, step away from the vehicle. Get back in the vehicle, get back in the vehicle. Slowly get out of the vehicle, slowly get out of the vehicle. Do the things I say, I’m a cop,” _

__ Kit continued to repeat what she had previously been saying, Fernald had been singing  _ ‘Get those hands up, get those hands down,’  _ on repeat. Dewey had not been singing, he had chosen to make various siren noises in the background.

_ “Do the things I say,”  _ Kit sang at the end as Dewey did one last siren and Fernald told someone to put their hands down one last time.

_ “I’m a cop!”  _ All three sang together.

All three moved a hand to their ear and acted like it was a phone as Kit continued to sing.  _ “9-1-1, emergency call. Got a 4-1-1 at a shopping mall. Better pack your heat and utility bill. Any mall rats comin’ in hot, they’ll melt,” _

__ _ “Grab your nine milimeter and a doughnut bucket. Want my badge number?”  _ Fernald began to sing.

_ “Put it in your mouth and suck it!”  _ Kit, Dewey, and Fernald all sang together.

Isadora had started to walk towards Kit, Dewey, and Fernald. All of them pointed towards her, but she continued to walk. “Fernald, it’s Isadora,” She said, “Don’t use your gun for anything,”

Fernald looked at Isadora, all the cops went silent for a second. That second was used to grab their guns. Isadora ran back to her friend, siblings, wife, and the crabby barista as the gun was pulled out.

_ “Show me your hands, show me those jazz hands! Get ‘em up or you’ll end up in cuffs,”  _ Kit, Dewey, and Fernald sang as they jumped around with their guns.  _ “Show me those hands, show me those jazz hands” _

__ _ “Or I might,”  _ All the cops sang. Fiona had been running towards them with a trash can lid in her hands,  _ “Be inclined, to shoot you!”  _ They all sang one last time before Fiona hit Fernald on the head with the trash can lid.

Kit and Dewey ran away before they could also be hit on the head with a trash can lid.

“Oh my fucking god!” Isadora yelled as she walked over towards Fernald. His head had been cracked open, revealing his brain. Klaus, Duncan, Fiona, Quigley, and Violet all headed over to look at Fernald.

“Oh my motherfucking god! His head is open!” Isadora went on the floor and looked at the cracked open head. She ignored all the blood that had been on the ground, the others did as well. Blood wasn’t their biggest concern.

“I wanna see!” Fiona said, kneeling onto the floor. She ignored all the blood getting onto her jeans and stared at the cracked open head.

“Holy shit his brain is blue!” Isadora yelled to the whole group. She pointed towards the blue brain that had been covered in bright red blood.

“Shouldn’t that be red?” Fiona asked, poking at the brain.

“Shouldn’t that not be touched?” Klaus added into the conversation, Fiona and Isadora ignored him

“Well I don’t know, I’m not a doctor!” Isadora said. She had still been staring at the brain.

“I’m not a doctor either,” Fiona said.

“Then stop poking the brain!” Isadora said as she started to poke the brain.

“But it’s blue!” Fiona pointed out once again.

“I think people with blue brains should see a doctor,” Duncan said, he avoided going near the brain.

“Well downtown is fully infected, no doctors here,” Quigley reminded everyone. Downtown was no longer safe.

“But I wanna know why his brain is blue!” Isadora yelled.

“We need a doctor for that!” Fiona said.

“Then someone get a doctor!” Isadora said as she stopped poking the brain.

“I know someone with a doctorate,” Violet looked around the group as she spoke, “Lemony Snicket! He loves me and a doctorate is like a doctor, right?” Klaus shook his head.

“Is he downtown?” Duncan asked Violet.

“Nope!” Violet said happily, “He is a couple of blocks from here in a large ass panic room. We’ll just have to drag fernald for a bit,”

“Won’t that mess up his brain more?” Quigley asked.

“Just put a hat on him,” FIona said. Isadora grabbed a police hat that had been on the ground and put it on Fernald.

“Or, we could drive,” Klaus suggested, pointing towards the police car that had been left behind.

“Oh yeah! Hotwiring a car is easy,” Violet said as she made her way over to the car. Quigley followed her.

“I was thinking we could check Fernald's pockets for keys,” Klaus said.

“I’ve hotwired many cars before, we’ll be fine,” Violet said as she got to work on the car. Quigley had passed her random tools that he found in the car trunk, he thought they would help. Most didn’t help.

After Violet managed to Hotwire the car, Fiona, Quigley, and her lifted Fernald into the trunk of the car and had barely managed to close it. Klaus took a seat in the back, alongside Duncan and Isadora. After lifting Fernald into the trunk, Fiona joined them in the backseat. Quigley had gotten the passenger seat and Violet was the driver.


	6. Blue Shit?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small break from singing where everybody is high on something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, I edited this very late at night so let's just accept the errors

CHAPTER 6

**Blue Shit?**

Klaus had regretted getting in the car the second Violet started to drive. She had been driving too fast and hadn’t been paying attention to any stop signs, in fact, Violet wasn’t paying attention to any street signs.

“Can you ask her to slow down?” Klaus whispered to Duncan. He had wanted to avoid talking to Violet. It hadn’t mattered to him if he had seemed petty, he hated her.

Klaus absolutely hated her. He never understood how Sunny couldn’t. She had left them. She never even left a note. It had been a normal day until she left. Klaus’ went to get her for dinner, Violet never said anything after Klaus knocked. When he opened the door, Klaus saw a messy bed, cleared out shelves, no toolbox, and an open window. All that had been left was a ribbon. That was all she left, a fucking ribbon.

“Are you alright?” Duncan asked Klaus, “Is everything okay?” Duncan had sounded concerned.

Klaus shook his head, “Could you just ask her to slow down?”

Duncan nodded his head, not asking any more questions. He shifted forward in his sight and tried to get Violet or Quigley’s attention. He had failed at getting Quigley’s as his brother had been too busy smiling at Violet.

“Violet?” Duncan asked, trying to get the driver's attention, “Violet could you slow down please?”

“I can’t,” Violet said, she hadn’t taken her eyes off the road but her driving had seemed to have gotten worse. “We have a blue brain fucker in the trunk,”

“Duncan, just let Lilac drive,” Fiona looked towards Duncan and said.

“I’m Violet,” Violet corrected Fiona as she continued to drive.

“Violet, can you please slow down,” Duncan asked once again.

Violet had started to slow down, not because she had decided to do what Duncan has said. She had slowed down because they had arrived at what everyone assumed was Lemony Snicket's house. It had looked much more like a large storage unit than a house. It hadn’t blended in very well with its neighbouring buildings.

“Besides me, who's gonna help bring blue brained cop in?” Violet turned to the back and asked.

“I can help,” Quigley looked to Violet as he spoke. Klaus rolled his eyes.

“Thank you, Quigley,” Violet looked to Quigley as he talked to him, a smile spreading across her face.

Klaus rolled his eyes once again. Out of everyone, his best friend had to like her? She was terrible. She would abandon their group at one point, Klaus knew she would. Besides inventing, Violet only had on other talent and it had been abandoning people. She was fantastic at it. Klaus would say her ability to abandon people was better than her inventing abilities.

“I can help too,” Isadora said.

“Thanks,” Violet said, smiling slightly at Isadora.

Klaus and Duncan got out of the car first, Isadora followed, then Fiona. Violet and Quigley had gotten out last.

“So, how do we get him out of the trunk?” Isadora asked as she looked towards Violet and Quigley.

“By taking him out,” Violet said.

“Like normal,” Quigley said right after.

“What if he is awake and singing again?” Fiona asked, looking around at the whole group.

“I highly doubt that’ll happen,” Klaus looked towards Fiona and said, “He's probably dead,” Klaus pointed towards the trunk as he spoke.

“Well that's grim,” Fiona said.

“His brain was literally falling out,” Klaus replied.

“Beatrice is already out of town, right?” Duncan turned to Klaus and asked.

“Yeah, her bus should’ve left an hour ago,” Klaus looked towards Duncan and said.

“Can we take Fernald out now?” Quigley asked. Violet and Isadora nodded.

Violet opened the car trunk, only to see blue goo covering the majority of it. Everyone had taken a step back, besides Violet. Violet had started to take Fernald out of the car trunk, Isadora moved back up and began to help after a moment, as did Quigley.

Violet passed Fernald over to Fiona as the group of adults made their way closer to the gate covering the front door. Violet knocked loudly as they reached the gate.

“Who is it?” Someone said very loudly a few seconds after Violet knocked.

“Dad!” Violet said, knocking once again. Klaus looked directly towards Violet, wondering why she had said ‘Dad’. Their dad had died, as had their mother. Klaus knew that very well, he had to plan the funeral all by himself.

“Don’t lie to me! I am dad!” The same voice replied.

“Dad, no, it’s Violet. The whole town has gone fucking mental, can I come in?” Violet said. She had hoped the answer to her question would be yes.

“Violet! Deepest apologies for not knowing it was you right away,” The man said, his tone changing. He had sounded happier now knowing that it was his daughter who had been at the door. “Alexa! Open the gate!”

Slowly, the gate opened. Violet led the group inside the house. Fiona, Quigley, and Isadora stayed near the middle as they brought Fernald into the house. Klaus and Duncan stood in the back.

“Oh my god, thank you! Thank you, dad!” Violet smiled as she ran towards the man. Klaus looked towards them as he entered the house, he hadn’t recognized the man at all. He wasn’t their dad. He was someone else.

“Oh! These are my friends,” Violet said, pulling away from the hug. “Quigley, Klaus, Darius, Faylon, and Isabelle, this is Lemony Snicket. Snicket this is, Quigley, Klaus, Darius, Falyon, and Isabelle,”

“It’s actually Duncan, pleasure to meet you Mr.Snicket,” Duncan said, going forward to shake Lemony Snicket's hand.

“My name is actually Isadora,” Isadora said. She looked up from the body she was dragging as she spoke

“I’m Fiona Quagmire,” Fiona said, correcting her name just as Duncan and Isadora did. Fiona moved away from Fernald to grab a chair for Isadora and Quigley to put him in.

“We came here from downtown. Now, I know I’m going to sound crazy but,” Violet said before Lemony interrupted her.

“Singing?” Lemony said chaotically, he moved down slightly so he’d be able to hold Violet’s shoulders. “And dancing? Like a musical?”

“Yeah, actually,” Fiona said as she walked towards Lemony and Violet.

“They want you to join them, and once you’re apart of it you’re stuck!” Lemony explained, still sounding chaotic.

“That sounds like a cult,” Duncan said, leaving Klaus’ side for a second as he walked towards Lemony, Violet, and Fiona.

“I thought it sounded like theatre kids, but continue,” Isadora said. She had also walked over towards Lemony, Violet, and Fiona.

“Mr.Snicket, how did you know that?” Quigley asked.

“I theorized this thirty years ago!” Lemony exclaimed. He walked towards a board a detective would own and flipped it over, revealing a compilation of theories for how the world would end.

“This exact scenario?” Duncan asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes!” Lemony said, still looking towards his theories board.

“Really?” Duncan asked, making sure he had heard Mr.Snicket correctly.

“Really!” Lemony said too proudly.

“That the world would become a musical?” Duncan asked. He had not been convinced he had heard Mr.Snicket correctly.

“You’d better believe it!” Lemony said, looking towards Duncan.

“Oh, I don’t,” Duncan shook his head and said.

“Wait, so that’s what’s up with Fernald?” Isadora asked as she pointed towards Fernald.

Lemony looked towards Fernald and pulled a gun out of one of his many pockets. “Don’t tell me you brought one here!” Lemony said, aiming the gun towards Fernald. Violet pulled Mr.Snicket back and tried to take his gun away, everyone else jumped away.

“We should’ve left him in the alley!” Fiona yelled.

“He’s your fucking brother!” Klaus yelled back to her.

“He has a blue fucking brain!” Fiona yelled back to Klaus.

Lemony moved past Violet, walking towards Fernald and waving the gun around. “Everyone calm down!” Lemony said. He stopped waving the gun around once he got close to Fernald, “Providence has brought him to me. Now, quickly, cuff him to the chair!” Lemony said. Violet grabbed rope off a counter and tied Fernald to the chair. Fiona, Quigley, Isadora, Duncan, and Klaus stayed back.

“Violet, make sure he is secure! There is no way to tell what would happen once he is secure,” Lemony flung his arm as he walked back towards the theory board, knocking off Fernald's hat as he did. Lemony stopped walking once he noticed the blue brain. “I have been preparing for decades, and now all the answers are right in front of me!” Lemony exclaimed. Lemony took another step closer to Fernald before grabbing some blue goo from the brain.

“What the fuck is life right now,” Isadora asked. No one responded as they had been distracted by Lemony pulling blue goo from Fernald's brain.

“Now, Violet, tell me what does this look like to you?” Lemony asked, bringing the blue goo closer to Violet.

Violet stared at it for a minute, “Some kind of blue….shit?” Violet said, not fully sure what the answer to the question was supposed to be.

“Perfect answer Violet!” Lemony smiled at her. “What the fuck is this blue shit?” Lemony asked as he walked across the room, showcasing the blue shit to everybody.

“Not weed?” Fiona said.

“Exactly! Weed is from this earth, this is not!” Lemony said as he stared directly at the blue shit, “You blue imposter!”

“You all remember the meteor that crashed into the starlight theatre,” Lemony asked. Everyone, but Quigley, nodded their heads.

“Mamma Mia was cancelled,” Duncan said. He had been able to remember Beatrice's reaction when he had told her.

“Wait wait wait, a fucking meteor crashed into the theatre?” Quigley asked.

“Yes,” Lemony simply responded. “I dare say it carried a deadly cargo. A contagious pathogen of cosmic origin,” Lemony looked towards everyone and said. “Pathogen, a word which here means a bacteria or virus that can cause disease,”

“We know what pathogen means,” Klaus told Lemony.

“Hold up there Snickers, you mean to tell me we have fucking aliens here?” Fiona walked forward and asked.

“Snicket,” Lemony corrected Fiona, “And why is that so hard to believe? Think of all the things we take for granted that was once foretold in the pages of Bradbury and Azimuth,” Lemony pointed towards his alexa, “Look no further than my robot assistant, alexa! Once confined to the realm of science fiction, is now science fact,”

“Watch this,” Violet said excitedly, “Alexa! Dim the lights”

The alexa did as it was told, Violet smiled and clapped for the robot. “She is fantastic,”

“Very fantastic,” Quigley said as he smiled towards Violet.

“Alexa, define the word,” Klaus got cut off before he could continue telling alexa the word it had to define.

“Now, I’ve got to get this blue shit beneath a microscope to see what makes these creatures tick!” Lemony continued to hold the blue shit in his hands. He began to walk away from the group.

“Mr.Snickers?” Fiona asked, causing Lemony to stop walking. “This is just a lot of really fucking weird information. Do you happen to have anything to take the edge? Maybe something to smoke or drink..”

“Violet,” Lemony said. Violet turned towards him, “Lead them to the booze!”

“Alrighty,” Violet said. Lemony went off to wherever his microscope had been, “Who's staying here with blue brain?” she asked.

“I can, Fiona just has to bring me something to drink,” Isadora said as she took a seat on the ground.

“Will do,” Fiona said. Isadora blew her a kiss.

“Okay. Now everybody, follow me to the booze!” Violet said, leading Fiona, Klaus, Duncan, and Quigley into another room.

“Isadora?” A drowsy voice said after everyone, besides Isadora, had left the room.


	7. Join Us(And Die)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sunny Baudelaire gets her first mention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the Jane chapter, appreciate it

CHAPTER 7

**Join Us (And Die)**

Violet had made herself a margarita as she pointed out where all the alcohol, glasses, mixers, and fruit had been. Klaus listened to Violet as she talked, only because he had wanted to make something to drink. Not because he had wanted to hear anything his older sister was going to say. Fiona had stopped listening to Violet the second a bottle of rum was pointed out. She had walked over to the bottle and began to drink straight from it. Quigley had listened as Violet talked, waiting until the end to get what he’d need to make a long island iced tea. Duncan, like Klaus and Quigley, listened the entire time. He was waiting for her to mention where the cherries had been. She hadn’t mentioned anything about cherries.

After Violet finished telling everyone about the contents of Lemonys alcohol room, she moved to the other side of the room and sat on the floor as she drank her margarita. She was thinking about something. Klaus knew she had been once she tied her hair up with a ribbon. A goddamn ribbon.

“Do you happen to have any cherries?” Duncan asked, trying to sound as polite as possible. “I wanted to make a shirley temple, but I can’t find any cherries,”

“A shirley fucking temple,” Fiona said as she shook her head. She had still been drinking rum from the bottle.

“Yeah. Is there a problem with shirley temples?” Duncan said as he continued his search for cherries.

“Well, the world's ending and you’re gonna get your drink on with a shirley temple, which is a problem!” Fiona said, almost laughing at the thought of someone drinking a shirley temple.

“Well, I thought if it was as serious as all that, we’d want a designated driver,” Duncan walked over to Fiona as he talked to her.

“Okay so when the cops pull you over, you’ll be able to pass the breathalyzer before getting all blue brained,” Fiona said before taking another sip of rum.

“If you keep judging my shirley temple choices, I am going to do something,” Duncan said, pointing his finger towards Fiona as he talked.

“Like what?” Fiona asked.

“I’m gonna...kick your head!”

“Oh, my head?”

“Yeah!”

“Not my ass?”

Duncan took a second before talking again, “Yeah!”

Klaus looked towards Duncan, trying to signal for him to stop talking. But, by then, Fiona had put her bottle of rum down and stood up.

“Let's see it then!” Fiona said as she walked towards Duncan, “Kick my head!’

“Okay, let’s not do that, please,” Klaus said. He had walked in between Fiona and Duncan. “We have no need to kick any heads,”

“But it's the most vulnerable part of the body, Duncan said so,” Fiona said.

“It was a dumb threat, sorry Duncan. Next time he’ll say ass or something that isn’t head,” Klaus looked between Duncan and Fiona as he talked.

“But, if you take out the head, everything goes with it! It’s smart Klaus, you should know that,” Fiona said.

Quigley continued to listen to Klaus, Duncan, and Fiona's conversation as he made his drink. He had debated talking to them once he finished making the drink, he decided not to. Quigley didn’t have an interest in head-kicking. Instead of joining the conversation, Quigley took his drink and went to sit next to Violet.

“God- Why did I come back here?” Violet said, her hands moved through her hair. She had the tone of someone who was questioning all of their life decisions. Violet was, in fact, questioning all of her life decisions.

“To uh- drink?” Quigley took a seat next to Violet. Klaus, Duncan, and Fiona continued their talk about shirley temples and head-kicking.

“Back to Hatchetfield,” Violet chuckled lightly and looked towards Quigley. “I spent so long trying to get out of this place. Should’ve just stayed in Canada,"

“Why Canada?” Quigley's expression turned confused. How did she end up in Canada?

“Oh- I had a family friend who let me live with her, her youngest daughter was about my age,” Violet sat up straighter, her glance still on Quigley. “Canadas not too shitty y’know? There’s a fuck ton of snow, but they got poutine-”

“I think we have poutine here too,” Quigley interrupted.

“Have you ever tried Canadian poutine?” Quigley shook his head. “If we get out of this, remind me to take you to Canada,” Violet was smiling wider now.

“So what drove you back to _Hatchetfield_? Sounds like you were having a good time in Canada,” Quigley said. He had never been to Canada so he wasn’t fully sure how great of a time Violet would’ve had. He did want to go to Canada now, however.

“Well my uh...my little sister, Sunny,” Violets smile seemed to disappear slightly, “I didn’t really know her. She sent me a couple of letters. Seemed really sweet.” Violet glanced towards Klaus quickly. Quigley had known about Klaus’ little sister, Sunny Baudelaire. She had died in a car crash two, maybe three years ago? Quigley couldn’t remember the exact date.

“I moved away from home when I was almost fourteen, Sunny wouldn’t have even been one. I came to live here, with Snicket, and just never tried to contact her or my brother. Snicket tried to call my mom and other dad a couple times, and I ran to someone else's house every time he did,” Violet laughed slightly when recalling her memories. It wasn’t a fully happy laugh, however. It was one with a secret tone of sadness hidden within it. “In her letters, she'd always invite me to big shit events like school plays, thanksgiving, Hanukkah, and I’d never responded to her,”

“My brother is in a relationship now and has a daughter. I worked at a coffee shop even though I have no interest in coffee,” Violet continued to talk.

“And your sister, Sunny? Does she still invite you to all the big shit?” Quigley asked. 

“She’s dead now. Died two years ago in a car crash,” Violets tone lost large parts of happiness. “Last big shit was her funeral,”

“Oh- I’m so sorry,” Sunny Baudelaire. Her sister had to be Sunny Baudelaire. Violet Snicket had been Klaus’ older sister who he hated.

“Hey, you didn’t crash into her car,” Violet said, fake punching Quigleys arm. She seemed to be trying to sound happy again. “I didn’t even know her well. I just knew her name was Sunny, she was also in Brigadoon, and won first place in a cooking competition,”

“So, you came back to Hatchetfield for her?” Quigley asked.

“Yeah, I moved back here after the funeral and haven’t left since,” Violet explained. “I wanted to try and do something that would make her happy. It'd be me apologize for abandoning her for almost her entire life. I took a couple cooking classes, learned I can’t cook for shit, then decided I’ll just do the one thing I actually want to do,”

“Please don’t say it's becoming a pot farmer, that's already Isadora and Fiona's big thing,” Quigley joked slightly.

“No no, it’s not being a pot farmer. I want to be an inventor,” Violet said.

“That’d be a lovely thing to be,” Quigley said.

“Yeah, it would’ve been fun. But, I can’t become one anymore,” Violet looked away from Quigley, and was instead staring at the wall now. “My one other goal in life was to not die in fucking Hatchetfield and here we are,”

“Hey, it could be worse. You could be dying in Clivesdale,” Quigley tried to break the seriousness of the conversation.

Violet laughed slightly. “Fuck Clivesdale!” She said.

“Fuck ‘em!” Quigley said right after her. “And, you know, all things considered, I like Hatchetfield,”

Violet let out a quiet “mhm” before Quigley continued.

“Yeah, I’ve been here my whole life, born and bred. I wanted to be a cartographer, so leaving would've inevitable,” Quigley looked at Violet, who was still staring at the wall, “But, I’m glad I stayed and got the job I have,"

Violet looked at Quigley and smiled. Silence from the two followed for a mere moment.

“Hey, we’re likely the same age, how come I never meet you before? I mean, I did go to highschool here,” Violet broke the silence and asked. A curious expression spread across her face.

“Well I went to Sycamore for highschool,” Quigley said. He fucking hated that school.

“Fucking timberwolves! I went to Hatchetfield high and we hated you guys,” Violet said loudly and fake punched Quigley's arm.

“We hated ourselves” Quigley let out an awkward laugh. “So uh..back at Black Cat Coffee you said you were in your high school production of Brigadoon?”

“Hey, I was Bonnie Jean,” Violet said in a horrible Scottish accent.

“That would’ve been grade eleven or twelve, right?” Quigley said. Violet nodded in response, “Then I actually saw you in Brigadoon,”

“No shit” Violets tone had been full of shock.

“Yes, shit! Yeah” Quigley was enjoying the conversation he was having with Violet, his tone reflected that, “Uh, we didn’t have a theatre program in our school. So I guess to make us feel like crap, they bused us over to your show,”

“You don’t even like musicals,” Violet brought up.

“First musical I ever saw and I hated it,” Quigley said, Violet nodded as he continued to talk, “That’s probably the start of my whole thing. You’re the reason I don’t like musicals!”

“Holy shit, that’s like your origin story,” Violet said, not taking any offence when Quigley said she was the reason he doesn’t like musicals.

“Yeah!” Quigley said excitedly.

“So I guess I’m the supervillain?” Violet asked.

Quigley shrugged slightly, “I don’t think of you like that at all Violet”

Violet smiled and looked down at her lap. “Listen um Quigley-” Violet said before being interrupted by a lightning strike.

“Oh my god,” Violet said. She reached for Quigley's hand. The two stood up.

“Isadora?” Fiona said in a louder tone than Violet. The conversation between Duncan, Klaus, and her had stopped for that moment.

“It is time…” Isadora had blood coming from her nose and some appeared to be coming from her stomach, “ _To die!”_ She belted.

“Isadora, this isn’t funny,” Duncan said. He tried to walk towards Isadora as he talked but Klaus and Fiona held him back.

 _“Sorry to interrupt, but we got bones to pluck”_ Isadora sang as Fernald and her danced towards the group. Both were very clearly infected with whatever had been causing the singing.

 _“The time for chaos is long past overdue”_ Isadora continued to sing. Quigley looked about ready to punch her square in the face and say this wasn’t a funny joke. His sister wasn’t joking, however.

 _“This isn’t optional, in fact, it's optimal”_ Isadora kept singing alone. Fernald danced behind her and would point from the right to left every few seconds. _“And now we go through you”_

 _“We tried to convince you with soliloquies. But now we’ll have to kill you with more than harmony”_ Isadora had continued on singing. Fernald had run towards Violet and Quigley but still just dancing.

 _“Just die”_ Isadora sang so quickly it was hard to make out exactly what she said, but it had been ‘Just Die’.

 _“Join us and die, Join us and die, Join us and die”_ Fernald began to sing with Isadora. The two were standing in a line doing creepy hand motions well explaining how to become an alien mutant musical singer.

“Isabella?” Violet asked, still keeping her distance. Concern filled her voice.

 _“All you gotta do is”_ Fernald stopped singing, allowing Isadora to sing the five words alone. Her voice sent chills down everyone's back as she sounded possessed, like some doll from a horror movie.

 _“Join us and die, Join us and die, Join us and die”_ Fernald joined in once again and sang alongside Isadora. The dance had stopped. Isadora had started to walk over towards Klaus, Duncan, and Fiona. Fernald went the opposite way, towards Violet and Quigley. Their walking seemed almost zombie-like.

“What's wrong with them?” Fiona asked, for the first time she didn’t appear to be high as fuck.

 _“All you gotta do is”_ They sounded much angrier now. Isadora walked quickly like she was going to choke someone to death, but she didn’t. Fernald tried to do the same thing. 

_“Heres how its gonna go, we’re gonna kick your ass. And then we’re gonna fucking kick your ass”_ Isadora and Fernald had looked ahead again and were just singing and dancing. Fiona, Duncan, and Klaus ran over towards Quigley and Violet. All five huddling together.

 _“We’re gonna puke all that goo into your mouth where all your food and cells will renew and be enhanced”_ Isadora sang alone again. Fernald acted like her background dancer once again.

“What is wrong with Isadora?” Violet yelled concerningly. No one answered her question.

 _“It's a death-like process that you’ve gotta see, Your own body is your front-row seat”_ Isadora and Fernald continued to sing and dance like they were in a musical. Quigley hated it.

 _“To die”_ It had sounded much more like Isadora and Fernald has screamed this lyric then said it. This had been there a moment to return to positions for a dance. 

_“Join us and die, Join us and die,_ _Join us and die”_ It had seemed like Isadora and Fernald were going to head over to the group once again. Fiona, Duncan, and Klaus quickly ran back to the other side of the room. Sadly, they were going their way.

 _“All you gotta do is”_ Isadora sang alone again, her voice still sounding possessed and terrifying.

“No no no... Klaus run!” Violet yelled.

“He has a daughter, stop!” Quigley yelled after her.

 _“Join us and die, Join us and die, Join us and...”_ Fernald and Isadora weren’t heading to Klaus however. They weren’t even heading over to Duncan. They walked right into Fiona.

 _“Punch it! Squeeze it!”_ Isadora sang what she was doing. Punching Fiona and putting her into a headlock.

 _“Crush it! Kill it!”_ Fernald got his first solo. He sang what he was doing as well, however, he hadn’t killed his sister. Fiona had just been pushed onto the ground.

 _“Ride it! Drag it!_ Isadora and Fernald sang together once again. Describing random actions that they weren’t specifically doing now.

 _“Heres how its gonna-”_ Fernald took centre stage and tried to start another bit of the song. Sadly, he hadn’t gotten to continue as Lemony Snicket had re-entered the room and shot Fernald dead.

Isadora opened her mouth like she was about to sing again. But then, Lemony shot her too. He looked too proud.

Quigley had his mouth open now too, out of shock, however. His sister had just been shot dead right in front of him. He had held onto Violet's hand as the bullet hit his sister. Duncan's reaction had been similar to Quigleys. He went right to Klaus and buried his head into Klaus’ chest. Isadora had just been killed.

“You killed Isadora!” Fiona yelled and ran to Lemony like she was going to start punching him.

“Wrong,” Lemony said, still looking far too proud for someone who shot two people.

“You shot her!” Quigley and Duncan yelled simultaneously.

“I shot an Isa-poster,” Lemony looked around at everyone and said.

“Not the time Snicket,” Violet whispered, looking disapprovingly towards her father.


	8. Not Your Seed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Singing Disney Songs, death, and Beatrice ll

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is long and I am happy  
> We got ten pages and 4000 words!!

CHAPTER 8

**Not Your Seed**

Lemony Snicket had brought Violet, Fiona, Quigley, Duncan, and Klaus to a different room. A room without two dead bodies...a room without Isadora’s dead body. He had made everyone sit down on a couch before he began to talk. Lemony had also kept his gun with him, in case he needed it.

“The Isadora you knew and loved was gone the second a note came out of her mouth,” Lemony explained. He hadn’t sat down with Fiona, Violet, Quigley, Duncan, and Klaus, he had instead been walking around the room.

“She was gone the second you fucking shot her!” Fiona yelled at Lemony. He had murdered her wife. He was still holding the murder weapon for fuck's sake.

“She was gone after Fernald had killed her,” Lemony looked directly at Fiona and began to explain what he had found out. “After examining that blue shit, it hadn’t taken me long to decipher that Fernald was no longer human,”

“Snicket, we’ve been over this. Zombies aren’t real, the walking dead is fictional,” Violet looked to Lemony and said. She had explained to him many times that The Walking Dead was fictional, not a logical guess of the future.

“I am not saying zombies are real, Violet,” Lemony said, “I am saying that Fernald is part of an alien brew, genetically reconstructed from the inside out! They’re wearing our skin to fool us...which means any of you could be one of them,” Lemony looked down towards the gun before pointing it at Fiona, Violet, Quigley, Duncan, and Klaus.

“Snicket, slow down,” Violet said in a serious tone as she put her hands up.

“When the fuck are we taking that gun away?” Fiona whispered to Klaus, Duncan, and Quigley as she also put her hands up. The boys shrugged and put their hands up as well.

“We’re going to have a little test to see who is still human and who is a musical doppelganger,” Lemony said as he continued to point the gun at the group of people on the couch. “I want you all to sing sixteen bars right now,”

“No! Snicket, we are not aliens-” Violet tried to explain to Lemony.

Lemony cocked the gun and pointed it back at Fiona, Violet, Quigley, Duncan, and Klaus. “Sing the beginning of Be Our Guest!” Lemony yelled.

“What!?”

“Huh?”

“Oh my god, he is high!”

“I said sing goddamnit!” Lemony yelled once again.

“Uhh, _Be our guest, be our guest…”_ Quigley started to sing horribly.

 _“Bonjour?”_ Violet sang, hoping she had chosen the correct song.

Fiona, Quigley, and Violet continued to sing incoherently. Fiona and Violet had mostly followed along with Quigley, who had surprisingly known most of the lyrics to Be Our Guest. Neither one questioned it.

“I didn’t like that movie,” Quigley said, referring to Beauty and The Beast. Beatrice had made him watch it many different times.

 _“It’s the circle of life,”_ Duncan and Klaus tried to sing. They hadn’t watched Beauty and The Beast often, as Beatrice had declared it Quigley’s and her movie. The Lion King was Duncan, Klaus, and Beatrice's movie. As was Peter Pan.

“That's not it,” Violet turned around and kindly said to Duncan and Klaus.

Lemony had put down the gun once all the singing had stopped. “That was terrible. Not a single one of you were on pitch, which means you’re all human,”

Lemony continued to talk about the topic of musical hivemind aliens. “These things have good tactics, they hide among us. As their numbers grow, they get bolder and as we’ve seen,” Lemony looked towards the door and cocked his gun once again. “Violenter,”

Everyone sat in silence as they tried to wrap their head around what Lemony had just said. That was until Klaus’ phone rang. Everyone had then looked towards him, still not making any sound.

“Can I answer it? It’s my daughter,” Klaus asked Lemony. Lemony nodded his head. Duncan moved closer to Klaus and held his hand. Klaus smiled at him before answering the phone.

“Oh Beatrice, I have never been happier that your mother moved you all the way to Clivesdale,” Klaus said as he answered the phone. He had been so happy that Beatrice had been safe in Clivesdale.

“Dad, I’m not in Clivesdale,” Beatrice said to Klaus, her tone shaky and scared.

“What?” Klaus asked, sounding much more shocked. “Beatrice, sweetie, I dropped you off at the bus this morning. You have to be in Clivesdale,”

“I got off the bus…” Beatrice admitted.

“You’re joking, right? Please tell me you’re joking Beatrice,” Klaus said. He had been holding Duncan's hand tighter.

Duncan hadn’t been able to hear what Beatrice was saying, but he had been nervous. Just by Klaus’ reaction to things, he knew it was bad. Something very bad.

“Why would you get off the bus?” Klaus asked.

“I forgot something at Friday's house,” Beatrice said.

Klaus could hear a loud knocking sound from Beatrice’s line. “Are you okay? Beatrice, are you safe?”

“I’m scared dad,” Beatrice said, she had sounded like she had started crying.

“Hey, hey, hey, don’t cry. Just tell me what's wrong, okay?” Klaus had tried to sound calm. He had succeeded slightly.

“Friday had told me to meet her at school and she would give me my thing, but when I got here everyone was singing the High School Musical soundtrack,” Beatrice explained, “They had also been covered in blood. And they’re scaring me, dad,”

“Take some deep breaths sweetie. I’ll come get you,” Klaus said. He had sounded calmer, but his expression looked more scared.

“Can you bring papa?” Beatrice asked before another loud bang happened.

“I’ll bring papa, I promise. Promise me you’ll stay safe,” Klaus said.

“I promise. I love you, tell papa I love him too,” Beatrice said, she had sounded like she was crying more.

“I love you too. I’ll see you soon, promise,” Klaus said. Beatrice hung up the phone.

“Klaus, what’s happening?” Duncan asked. He had sounded deeply concerned.

“Beatrice is stuck here. She didn’t get on the bus,” Klaus shot up from the couch and walked around the room. “I need to take the car, she's at Hatchetfield high,”

“I can drive, I’m still sober,” Duncan said as he got up from the couch.

Fiona stayed on the couch and chuckled. “And you two plan to save her?”

“We’re her dads,” Duncan said.

“GI Duncan and GI Klaus? You’re gonna run and gun you’re way through killer theatre motherfuckers?” Fiona asked.

“We have to save Beatrice,” Klaus said.

“Dear god you’re high and delusional. She's already dead,” Fiona laughed at Klaus.

“I just talked to her, Fiona. She's safe,” Klaus told Fiona.

“And Isadora wasn’t?” Fiona looked up to Klaus and Duncan, “You’re gonna get to that fucking school and she’ll be dead and you’re gonna die too. That is exactly what will happen if you try to back downtown,”

“What else are we supposed to do?” Duncan said to Fiona.

“Let Mr.Snickers shoot her,” Fiona glared towards Lemony.

“Just, don’t go through downtown,” Violet said. Fiona, Duncan, Klaus, and Quigley all looked at her. “Cut through Pinebrook,”

“What?” Duncan asked.

“Pinebrook, the fancy rich people neighbourhood. They have huge yards,” Violet explained.

“Yes, avoid densely populated areas,” Lemony said.

“Take Evergreen, cut through the park, hop a curb, and you’ll be in the teachers parking lot,” Violet continued to talk as she adjusted her hair ribbon.

“You’re a genius,” Quigley said to Violet

“Thank you,” Violet smiled at Quigley before looking back at Duncan and Klaus. “The windows to the staff lounge are always open because they all smoke, just slide in and out,”

“Okay. Okay,” Duncan said as he nodded his head.

“That’s a lot of directions,” Klaus looked to Violet and said. He hadn’t wanted to argue with her now, she had been helpful. It was surprising.

“Don’t bother he’s gonna get lost,” Fiona yelled across the room.

“Are you ever not an ass?” Violet asked.

“Listen, sweetheart, the world has changed, alright? We’re all assholes. No one is a hero or a good person. They’re either alive or fucking dead!” Fiona continued to yell, “And Beatrice is fucking dead,”

Klaus and Duncan walked away from Fiona. “What? I’m only saying what we all know is true, right Quigley?”

Quigley was quiet for a moment. He looked at Duncan and Klaus and back to Fiona. “I know that the chances of her being okay are slim to nil, and I know that neither Klaus or Duncan knows the directions. They wouldn’t make it if they went alone,” Duncan and Klaus felt their hearts drop as Quigley talked. “But I'm good at memorizing directions, which is why I’ll go with you to get your daughter back,”

“Thank you!” Duncan said as he went to hug his brother, “Thank you!”

Quigley hugged Duncan back. “It’s not like you’re asking me to go see Mamma Mia,”

“If we haul ass we can be there and back in twenty minutes,” Violet said. She had been looking towards Klaus. He smiled slightly at her.

“You’d actually help?” Klaus asked. He never thought she’d help. She was Violet, she abandoned him and Sunny. Now, she was helping him.

“Yeah, of course,” Violet said.

“Actually Violet, you stay here. I have a theory on how these aliens could be stopped and I’ll need an extra set of hands,” Lemony said. “Quigley, Duncan, Klaus, be safe,” Lemony said as he looked towards the boys and passed Klaus the gun he had been holding and gave Duncan the keys to his car.

Klaus, Duncan, and Quigley had begun to walk to the car and Lemony had begun to head to the lab. Fiona stayed put and continued to drink her rum.

“Uh Quigley,” Violet said. Quigley stopped walking. Violet had held his hands and began to talk. “Listen, if those things get to you, they’re gonna make you sing and do all the shit you hate. Same thing if they get to Klaus or Duncan. So promise me, you won’t let them,” Violet said.

“You don’t make promises,” Quigley said. He had remembered what she had told him earlier.

“I’ll ignore that for now. Promise me you’ll be safe,” Violet said.

“Violet, I promise I won’t let the things hurt Duncan or Klaus and I promise I’ll never be in a fucking musical,” Quigley said.

Violet smiled and hugged Quigley before she walked off to the lab. Quigley continued to make his way to the car with Duncan and Klaus.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

“Beatrice!” Klaus called out for his daughter, “Beatrice!”

“Bea where are you?” Duncan called out. Klaus and Duncan began to jog down the halls.

“Guys be quiet!” Quigley whispered as he followed his friends down the school hall. “Be quiet, okay?” Quigley put a hand on Duncan's shoulder and a hand on Klaus’ shoulder.

“We have to find her Quigley!” Klaus turned around and looked directly into his friend's eyes. Quigley could see the desperation, Klaus had wanted his daughter that very second. He was sure Duncan would have the same look in his eyes.

“We will, but you’re both gonna have to shut up, okay?” Quigley waited for Duncan to turn around and look at him before continuing. “This whole school is crawling with singing teenagers. Your screaming is gonna get us killed, and we are no use to Beatrice if we’re dead,” Quigley looked between his friend and brother.

“Right, right,” Klaus said, taking deep breaths to calm himself down. Duncan held his hand.

“Sorry Quigley, she's just-” Duncan said.

“She's your daughter, I know,” Quigley interrupted before Duncan could finish his sentence. He knew what his brother would say. “Just try to stay calm and follow me. Okay?”

Duncan and Klaus nodded in response. Both were in no way calm. Quigley could understand why.

“You know, she’s a good kid,” Klaus said as the three boys began to walk around the school, “She’s smart and caring and I respect her choices, but if we’re being honest, I don’t like her friends,”

“They’re constantly on their phones and smell like weed,” Duncan added.

“I think she could make better friends. Ones who won’t grow up to be like that homeless dude with the unibrow,” Klaus continued on.

“Yeah, sure guys,” Quigley said quickly.

“This morning, my dumbass said she should try to make better friends that are at her own high school in Clivesdale,” Klaus said.

“We were both being dumbasses, not just you,” Duncan assured Klaus. Klaus just simply nodded his head before continuing to talk.

“She got so mad at us,”

“And said that we just don’t like Friday,”

“Well we don’t like Friday, but I didn’t want to lie and I was sure Duncan wouldn't want to either,” Klaus said. He stopped walking for a minute and looked at the ground, “I think Beatrice is only here to see her friends, because of the argument. Not because she forgot something,”

“Oh god-” Duncan shakily said and took a few steps back towards Klaus. Both of them were clearly freaking out.

“I’m-” Klaus started.

“We’re,” Duncan said, reminding Klaus it wasn’t all his fault,

“We’re the reason she's trapped here,” Klaus was clearly breaking down by this point.

“It's our fault, it's all our fault,” Duncan said, clearly breaking down as well.

“No! No, listen to me guys, Okay?” Quigley put a hand on his friend and brother's shoulders again, “This is not your fault!”

“Yes, it is,” Beatrice emerged from the blackness of the choir room and said. Blood was dripping from her nose and ears.

“Beatrice!” Duncan ran closer towards her.

“You’re alive!” Klaus said in the happiest tone Quigley had heard him talk in that day.

“‘It’s all their fault’ That’s the last thought I had before they broke down the door,” Beatrice said.

“We’re so sorry sweetie. I’m so sorry Bea,” Klaus said and reached for his daughter's hand.

Beatrice moved her hand away, _“I’m not your girl anymore”_

“Beatrice?” Klaus backed away slightly, tears forming in his eyes.

 _“I’m not that tween that you drove here for”_ She had been infected.

“Beatrice it’ll be okay,” Duncan walked closer towards her, “We’re here, your dads are here,” He whispered in a soft tone.

 _“I'm not your girl. I overtook her body with an infectious spore,”_ Beatrice sang angrily as she pushed Duncan away from her. _“You left me out of your sight for one second and look what happens, nightmare time,”_

Klaus and Duncan both moved closer to Beatrice, “Beatrice I-” Klaus said to her.

 _“It’s worse than you could imagine! Not sex and not drugs, just alien invading minds,”_ Beatrice pushed both people away from her and glared towards Quigley.

 _“No more family vacays together, cause your only daughter is under the weather,”_ Beatrice began to walk away from everyone and sang loudly. Anger filling her voice. _“And if you actually paid attention to me, you’d see I’m not your seed,”_

“Beatrice what is going on-” Klaus asked in a concerned tone.

“Let's just go home Bea-” Duncan said to his daughter.

 _“I’m not your angsty teen.”_ Beatrice turned and started to walk away from everyone.

“Beatrice, it’s time to go home. We can get ice cream on the way and...and” Duncan followed her as she walked in circles away from them.

 _“No matter what you believe, the apples fallen far from the tree,”_ Beatrice looked off into a corner and reached out her hand.

“It’ll be okay sweetie, you can come home now,” Klaus said, tears falling down his face.

Beatrice turned to face Klaus, tears slightly running down her face as well. _“It’s not my fault anymore, no more curfews to be late for”_

“It was never your fault Bea, you’re good,” Duncan managed to put a hand on her shoulder and said.

Beatrice ran away from Duncan's touch. She ran into Klaus and pulled him into a hug, _“It's not my fault anymore, no more being worried and waiting by the door,”_

“Don’t cry Beabee, it's going to be okay,” Klaus said in a soft fatherly voice.

“Klaus-” Quigley said. Duncan shushed his brother and looked towards Klaus and Beatrice. A father and his daughter.

Beatrice quickly pushed herself away however, punching Klaus once in the chest as she did. _“Did you know that I wanted to live with you?”_ The anger had returned to her voice.

“You can, You one hundred percent can! We can work it out with your mom and-” Klaus sounded so happy. He didn’t deserve the pain he was going to get once the realization that his daughter was gone arrived.

 _“When you needed to fight, you gave me that too!”_ Beatrice yelled more than sung. Anger and sadness were the strongest emotions in her voice.

“Beatrice, you can still move away from your mom. Your papa and I would be so happy if you lived with us,” Klaus said quickly, clearly thinking off the top of his feet.

“I can?” Beatrice asked. She was talking again.

“Of course, me and Duncan-”

“You and papa already have my room set up,”

“We do, we do sweetie,”

“You, me, and papa will be one family? No more mom?”

“It’ll just be us if you want,”

Beatrice went silent for a moment before singing again. _“Did you know Mom let Friday sleepover?”_ Beatrice's lips curled up into a smirk as she looked between Duncan and Klaus.

“She did what?” Duncan said loudly, walking over to Beatrice and Klaus again.

“My god Karen-” Klaus sounded undeniably annoyed with his ex-wife.

 _“And you’re right about her, she's a hardcore stoner,”_ The smirk remained present on Beatrice's face.

“I knew it!” Klaus yelled.

 _“And if you wonder what lead your daughter astray”_ Beatrice walked towards Klaus, who seemed to be nervous about the answer, _“Well daddy wasn’t here to stay,”_

“I’m here now Beabea, it’ll be fine. I promise,” Klaus tried to hug her once again. Beatrice didn’t try to return the hug.

 _“I’m not your perfect teen!”_ Beatrice glared towards Duncan. She began to make her way over to him.

“You can break out of this sweetie, I know you can,” Duncan said, he walked closer towards her.

“Go away! Get away from me you fucking homewrecker!” Beatrice said to Duncan before turning around and walking back towards Klaus. _“I’m fucking thirteen, at least I was before_ **_you_ ** _left me,”_

“Duncan, Klaus, we need to leave right now-” Quigley started to say.

“Back off Quigley!” Klaus yelled, “We aren’t leaving without Beatrice!”

“Klaus, honey, I think he's right,” Duncan whispered to Klaus.

Before Klaus got the chance to respond to Duncan, Beatrice had collapsed onto her knees and was singing again.

 _“Why does it hurt to love you,”_ Beatrice looked up from the ground and stared at Klaus. Her cheeks stained with tears, _“Why am I in pain? Why does it hurt to know you?”_

Klaus knelt down next to Beatrice, “It’ll be okay Beabea,”

Her smirk had vanished, the anger in her eyes disappeared. She was a sad teenager, _“You let me down again,”_

“I’ll try better, I promise” Klaus held his daughter's hand and looked at her. He was so sure she was still there.

 _“If I turned my insides out, would you even know that I was there?”_ More tears fell down Beatrice's face.

Beatrice looked at Duncan quickly, then back at Klaus. _“Why does it hurt to love you? Why does it hurt to love?”_

Klaus didn’t have a response. He had just continued to sit there with his daughter. Beatrice was now wiping away her tears and standing up, making her way towards Duncan.

 _“I’m not your seed!”_ Beatrice stared right at Duncan, _“Now maybe you’ll listen to me,”_

“I’m sorry Beatrice, I’m so so so sorry,” Duncan was in tears too. He wanted to hug his daughter. Was she his daughter?

 _“After you let me bleed,”_ Beatrice switched her focus to Klaus, who was still on the ground, _“Now your daughters not a girl no more,”_

Klaus stayed on the ground and stared at Beatrice. Duncan stood next to his brother and stared at her too.

Beatrice looked at Duncan _“I’m not at all your seed!”_ and then she looked at Klaus, _“‘Cause I’m not your girl anymore”_

She fell onto the floor in a sleep-like position. She didn’t move at all. It had been like the song killed her.

“Quigley. I failed her,” Klaus said as tears rolled down his face. “I failed her,”

“Klaus, give me the gun,” Quigley said as he walked towards his friend.

“She hates me,” Duncan said to himself on repeat. “She hates me, she hates me, she hates me,”

“Give me the gun, now,” Quigley said. He had walked closer to Klaus and grabbed it from him and threw it onto the floor.

Quigley had then grabbed Klaus and Duncan and made them stay as far away from the gun as possible. “Klaus, Duncan, look at me,” Quigley said, “We have to go. Beatrice is gone now,”

Then, a gunshot happened. Duncan fell to the ground. Another one happened, then Klaus fell to the ground. Beatrice had picked up the gun Quigley dropped.

“Duncan! Klaus!” Quigley yelled as he dropped to the floor. The floor where his best friend and brother's lifeless bodies had been.

“We just keep running into each other, don’t we Quigley?” Beatrice said in an almost robotic tone. “We have travelled across seas of stars bending countless civilizations to our will. Yet you Quigley have defied us thrice!” Beatrice shot the gun once again.

“Holy shit!” Quigley yelled. He had managed to get out of the away. He jumped off the ground and began to walk around, trying to avoid Beatrice.

“This puny human weapon is too quick a death for you, Quigley,” Beatrice said as she threw the gun onto the ground. “We shall rip you limb from limb, you will choke on your agony as you beg for apotheosis!” Beatrice said as she cornered Quigley.

Quigley had been sure she would kill him at that exact moment. He had failed to keep his promise to Violet already.

“Get down on the ground we’re the army! Bam bam!” A soldier had come in and yelled. “Get out of here! Bam bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam!” The soldier shot Beatrice and began to run around the room. “All right, we’re all clear on the left here we go, whoop! Clear on the right! Grenade! Whoa! Ya!”

Quigley covered his ears as the soldier ran around the room some more. Another one had entered and was staring directly towards Quigley. He looked prepared to shoot him.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait I’m not one of them! I’m human-” Quigley had started to say before he was knocked out by one of the army men.

“Yeah? Prove it asshole we’re the army,”


	9. Show Stoppin' Number

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lemony Snicket reaches his high point of chaos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight warning for this chapter  
> Lemony does drug a character without consent.

CHAPTER 9

**Show Stoppin’ Number**

“Remarkable! Simply remarkable!” Lemony yelled as he grabbed a beaker filled with the blue shit. Violet had been watching Lemony work, but she had not been doing anything. He had lied about needing an extra set of hands.

“So, Violet, how do you explain an entire race of beings spontaneously bursting into song and dance? How do they know all the lyrics? The choreography?” Lemony asked Violet as he moved the beaker full of blue shit to her.

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s just a bunch of orders from some mothership,” Violet said as she shrugged her shoulders. Her mind hadn’t been thinking about why everything was happening, she had been more focused on why Klaus, Quigley, and Duncan had been taking so long. Quigley promised to keep them all safe. Violet had hoped he hadn’t broken that promise.

“You’re not far off!” Lemony said. He had put the beaker down and span around in the chair he had been sitting in. “What we’re dealing with here is a collective consciousness. On one level, they are individuals, but on another, they’re all appendages of a much larger organism all connected by a central brain,”

“So a hivemind?” Violet asked. She had ignored much of what Lemony said, but from what she had paid attention to it sounded like Lemony was describing a complex hivemind.

“Exactly Violet!” Lemony exclaimed.

“And the brain came down in the meteor,?” Violet asked. The theory had sounded far-fetched, but it had not been the most ridiculous thing to have happened that day. It had also not been the most ridiculous thing Lemony had said.

“Or it is the meteor!” Lemony said as he looked towards Violet and pointed his finger at her.

“Okay, um, okay. So it wants to kill all of us so it can resurrect us as theatre kids who wanna be in its shitty musical?” Violet asked.

“That is one way to put it,” Lemony nodded his head slightly as he spoke.

“What’s another way to put it?” Violet asked Lemony. She wanted a good way to explain it to Quigley, Klaus, Duncan, and Fiona.

“Well, you could also say it’s uniting us in one common purpose. Think! Violet, if this entity were to spread to the entire planet it could achieve what over fifty thousand years of human civilization failed to do,” Lemony explained to Violet, sounding more chaotic as he continued to talk, “It could achieve world peace,”

“Theatre kids are never peaceful. But, how would we stop it?” Violet waited for a response. She had hoped Lemony would realize world peace would not come out of this and that it being stopped was a priority. Theatre kids were never peaceful people, Lemony should know that.

“Yes, of course! Stop it…” Lemony said. He had jumped out of his seat and searched through a plastic tupperware full of syringes.

“Alright, alright. So this all started with the meteor, it’s the brain,” Violet barely understood what she was saying but she continued to talk. “So if we take it out all these things will die,”

“That’s a sound theory Violet,” Lemony said as he picked out a syringe from the tubberware. He had held it up in the air and tapped it a couple of times, “Which is why it must never leave this room,”

“What?” Violet said as she turned around to face Lemony. He had been walking towards her with a syringe. “No no no no….” Violet had passed out.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Oh god,” Quigley said. He had woken up in a different place than he remembered last being in. He was inside a building now. Duncan and Klaus weren’t there. He remembered Beatrice's song and her shooting Duncan and Klaus and then army people coming. One of them looked a lot like Ernest the environmentalist and one had his face covered. “Oh god,” Quigley said once again. His head had hurt and his eyes weren’t adjusted to the light.

“Sorry for that knock on the head son,” Someone said. Quigley hadn’t even noticed that they were in the room. He thought he was alone. “You can never be too careful. What’s your name?” The man said as he went to shake Quigleys hand

“Uh, Quigley Quagmire,” Quigley said as he shook the man's hand.

“Good evening Quigley. My name is General Jacques Snicket of the United States Military, special unit P-E-I-P. We call it Peip,” Jacques Snicket said. Quigley had assumed Jacques shared some type of relation to Lemony considering the fact they had the same last name.

“Piep? I’ve never heard of you guys,” Quigley asked. Jacques had pulled away from the handshake and took a seat on the second chair in the room.

“And you never will, not a peep,” Jacques said, “That’s a joke son. We have the unenviable task of cleaning up messes of a certain nature, situations not unlike what we have here in Hatchetfield,”

“Are you saying stuff like this has happened before?” Quigley asked. He had hoped nothing like it had. No one else in the world should ever hear a song similar to the one Mr.Poe sang or have to watch their friends and family die.

“I said nothing of the sort. That information is classified,” Jacques said quickly. “However, our agents led us to believe the entire population has become infected with this alien contagion. So quite frankly, we’re a little shocked to find a survivor like yourself,” Jacques moved his chair closer to Quigleys before he continued to speak, “But I got some bad news for you Quigley, my unit was sent to make a clean sweep of what was once your town. No loose ends. No survivors,”

“Whoa whoa whoa, so you’re just gonna kill me?” Quigley said, fear had filled his tone. He was going to die. Jacques Snicket was gonna kill him for no real reason. He had still been good. Quigley wasn’t infected.

“Those are my orders, yes. Two in the head, one in the heart,” Jacques continued on talking, “But there’s one thing you should know about me, son. I love my country, I do, but the experiences I’ve accrued throughout my tenure with this organization has given me a deeper understanding of the cosmos and our place in it. I follow a higher law than any institution could decree and that is the universal truth of love and the strength of the human heart. Would you like to do some light reading on the subject?” 

“No thank you,” Quigley said and shook his head. He didn’t think he had time for any light reading.

“So I’m going to bend the rules a bit for you, Quigley. I have an evac chopper touching down in Oakley Park at twenty-three hundred hours, that’s eleven o’clock in the pm, synchronize your timepiece with mine,” Jacques said as he showed Quigley his watch. Quigley nodded his head and grabbed his phone.

“Is that a phone?” Jacques asked.

“Yeah, it's a-” Quigley stopped talking when Jacques grabbed his phone and threw it towards a wall.

“Wear a watch!” Jacques said in a tone that reminded Quigley of Lemony. “Time is a precious thread in the fabric of the universe. It deserves its own tool of measurement!”

Quigley nodded his head, he hadn’t wanted to say anything else.

“You survive until twenty-three hundred hours, there’s a seat in that chopper with your name on it,” Jacques said. He had pulled another watch out of his pocket and passed it to Quigley.

“Oh, cool. Thank you,” Quigley said as he began to put the watch on. 

Jacques had started to leave the room when Quigley remembered something. When Quigley remembered someone, Violet. “Wait, uh, General Snicket?” Quigley asked. Jacques had stopped walking and looked back at Quigley. “I can’t leave without Violet,”

Jacques sighed and rolled his eyes. “Who’s Violet, Quigley?”

“She’s a friend of mine,” Quigley said.

“Friend’s don’t move my heart son. Is there a chance at something more?” Jacques asked. He had rolled his eyes once again.

“Uh, maybe, I think so,” Quigley said. He hadn’t fully known how to answer the question. He had liked Violet, but he wasn’t sure if she liked him. “I’d like there to be...I want there to be,”

“Well, you know what that means,” Jacques said as he pulled a gun out.

“What?” Quigley said. He had backed away from Jacques and put his hands up.

“I’m authorizing you to use my firearm,” Jacques flipped the gun around and passed it to Quigley. “Rescue Violet and get your asses to that chopper in two hours time,”

“Thank you, sir,” Quigley said.

“Don’t thank me until we’re both in Clivesdale sharing a cup of coffee,” Jacques said.

“Oh actually I plan to go to-” Quigley had started to say something but Jacques had cut him off.

“Do you like coffee son?” Jacques asked.

“Yes, sir,” Quigley said.

“Do you like musicals?” Jacques asked as he walked slightly towards Quigley.

“No, sir,” Quigley said. He hoped Jacques wouldn’t ridicule him for not liking musicals.

“Now that's a goddamn red-blooded American,” Jacques said. He had started to walk away once again. “I’ll see you on the chopper!”

Quigley waved goodbye as he too walked away. He had to get back to wherever Lemony Snicket's large storage unit house was.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The room was dark. There hadn’t been any light at all. Violet tried to stand up from the chair only to find herself tied to it. Someone was sitting right behind her. Maybe it was Quigley? Had Quigley, Duncan, Klaus, and Beatrice returned yet? She hadn’t known. She would’ve known if she hadn’t been knocked out.

“Hey?” Violet asked, trying to figure out who was sitting behind her. She hoped it was Quigley. There was no response.

“Hey!” Violet said louder, pushing back against whoever was behind her.

“Wha-?” Said a voice that hadn’t belonged to Quigley Quagmire. It was Fiona? Isadora was the one who got shot, so that had to be Fiona. “Wha-? What the fuck?” The voice said once again. Must’ve had a larger dose of whatever the fuck it was Lemony gave them.

Violet started to ignore the person behind her once she saw Lemony enter the room. “So, you’re finally awake!” Lemony dramatically said as he dramatically walked towards Violet and possible Fiona.

“What the hell are you doing, Snicket?” Violet yelled towards him.

“Exactly what needs to be done!” Lemony said, raising his finger in the air like he was a genius of some sort. He was typically a genius, but not all geniuses have common sense. “Alexa!” The alexa made a chiming sound. “Open the gates! Turn off the fences, shut it all down!”

“Snicket stop! You do know those fences are the only things that are protecting us!” Violet said, getting louder and more annoyed.

“Protecting us from what-?” Lemony said before getting cut off.

“The end of the fucking world,” Possible Fiona said. She was very right.

“The world was already doomed. We have overpopulation, murder, high school. Those things are only ending it faster,” Lemony said. Losing some of his chaos which made Violet feel much less comfortable.

“You’re one happy man Snickers,” Possible Fiona said.

“Snicket,” Lemony corrected her.

“Snickers,” Fiona replied.

Lemony sighed, “I was trying to save something that could not be saved, until now,”

“Snicket, you’re starting to scare me a bit,” Violet told Lemony. He seemed off, not off in the same way as the people he had shot earlier, but still very different.

“We must say our goodbyes,” Lemony said. He had started to return to being dramatic again.

“Okay then, goodbye,” Possible Fiona said as she tried to get up from the chair.

“Dad...dad please no,” Violet said, worry filling her voice.

“Alexa” Lemony said, the robot chimed, “It pains me to do this but...Initiate self-destruct,” Lemony called towards the robot who remained in silence.

“It can do that?” Possible Fiona asked excitedly.

“No, it can’t do that,” Violet looked towards Possible Fiona and said. “It can’t do that Snicket, you should know this by now,”

Lemony sighed once again, “It is the year of the rat, and it can’t even blow itself up? Piece of shit!” Lemony yelled as he picked up the Alexa and threw her onto the ground.

“You didn't even drink anything, why are you drunk” Violet asked.

“Well it was fun being here, but I think it's best if we go home now Snickers,” Possible Fiona said. She tried once again to stand up with no luck.

“Snicket,” Lemony corrected, “And I’m afraid I can’t do that Fiona! Don’t you two see that in order for humanity to survive, it must evolve,”

Violet sighed. Her father was clearly doing some fucked up shit.

“That's what this visitor from the star has brought us, salvation!” Lemony yelled out like he had a breakthrough.

“Not fully in the mood to join aliens Snickers,” Fiona said. Violet managed to hold down on the chair so she wouldn't try to stand up again.

“Violet, you know who my first love was?” Lemony asked, looking not at Violet, but at something covered in an old sheet.

“My mom?” Violet responded, not fully sure how to answer the question.

“My first love was and always will be…” Lemony removed the old sheet to reveal a piano. “Musical theatre!”

“This man's fucking nut!” Fiona said, her mouthing opening slightly as the piano was revealed.

“Workin’ boys…” Violet mumbled under her breath.

“After examining that creature you once called Isadora-” Lemony started.

“That's my wife who you fucking shot!” Fiona yelled at him.

“I made a fascinating discovery. These aliens...they-they possess a highly specialized gland that allows them to communicate through rhythmic frequencies,” Lemony made his way back over to Violet and Fiona. He sounded like a madman but questioning it had gotten boring. “They’re drawn to music!”

“Oh come on dude! Don’t fucking sing!” Fiona yelled as Lemony ran back towards the piano.

“Lets fucking do this,” Violet sat up straighter and moved around in her chair until it was facing Lemonys direction.

“This is humanity's eleventh hour,” Lemony said dramatically before taking a seat in the chair. It was clear he had never taken a class or been taught how to properly sit in a chair. “And I have something prepared for the occasion,”

Lemony grinned down towards the piano before starting to play. _“It's a show-stopping number,”_ He started to sing. _“A real showstopper,”_

“Okay, not Workin' Boys,” Violet said quietly.

 _“A show-stopping number come on / Something to shock ‘em, to bring them a-crawling,”_ Lemony played the piano as he continued to sing. _“A big-time box-office draw / With the press and the glamour, we’ll kill the reviews / Spotlight on Mr.Ingenue,” Lemony seemed deeply invested in his piano as he continued on playing, “So fill up your Tumblr, got a show-stopping number for you”_

“Hey, snickers, can you quiet down? Not in a mood to die right now,” Fiona looked over towards Lemony and said. He stood up right after, like he was going to move over towards Violet and Fiona, but he hadn’t.

Lemony, instead, started to move his shoulders and dance around. The piano somehow remained playing and Lemony somehow remained singing. _“A show-stopping number is something you die for / A really catchy earworm-y tune,”_ Lemony ran a bit closer to Violet and Fiona before looking dramatically in the distance. _“An award-winning score that seeps in and out your pores / A ditty to make the chorus girls swoon,”_

Lemony moved to the middle and removed the suit jacket he had been wearing. He started to almost dance like a dad would, but also move around in a dramatic fashion like a dramatic actor would. _“It’ll unify humanity in a thundering chorus / No exits from the Broadway venue”_ Lemony Snicket happened to be an odd dramatic actor, _“So splash those shiny cymbals / Got a show stoppin’ hymnal for you”_

“This songs pretty good, huh? I bet you didn’t know I was also a composer-” Lemony said, walking back towards his possibly magical piano.

“You reminded me very often when I was fifteen, maybe sixteen,” Violet said.

“Well, when I was preparing for the apocalypse, I wrote my own musical...” Lemony went silent for a second before jumping over towards the girls. “Do you mind if I gave you the pitch?”

“We should get going,” Fiona said, trying to get out of her chair once again.

“Fucking go for it!” Violet sounded very excited about some random ass musical her father made up.

“It's called: _Working Boys: A New Musical_. It's the story of a group of old college chums. Sure, they found success in the business world. Still, they can't help but long for the simpler times, back in that beat-up old house at the edge of campus. But those glory days, they're gone for good, or, are they? This here, is the title number,”

“He's gonna start singing again,” Fiona said, sounding more annoyed than before.

“Shush! It's Workin Boys,” Violet glared towards Fiona before looking back at Lemony, who was now standing in the middle of the room.

 _“Business calls, I’m up to my ass in shit,”_ Lemony started to sing and do choreography that seemed like it was made for a jazz class of eight-year-olds or an awful broadway show that no one would ever want to see. _“What is this business? / Markets are crashing and I’m at the edge of my wits / I just can’t take this / When all I want to do”_

Lemony stopped dancing for a minute and stared off into random corners of the room. _“Is spend the day with Jake / And Cleo / And Pip / And Squeak / And Moxie / And Chadd / And-”_ Lemony stopped singing and started to speak, “Ring, ring. The phone rings. I answer it.” Lemony jogged across the room before making a phone shape with his hand, “‘Oh, hey Moxie. I’m swamped with...business. Stocks, bonds, weird motherfucking statues...Remember those days on the football field, Moxie? Last week feels like ages ago,” Lemony was silent, as if he was listening to someone respond on the phone, “Today? After work? On the football field? The old stomping ground, eh Moxie? Just you...me...and Cleo...and Jake…and Pip...and Squeak...and Chadd,”

“And Chadd” Violet said at the same time as Lemony.

“Five o’clock, see you then, Moxie...I’ll see you then,” Lemony said as he hung up the fake phone.

“What did this guy smoke?” Fiona asked out loud, no one responded to her.

 _“All I want to do / Is spend the day with Chadd and--,”_ Lemony Snicket was once again singing, dancing, and jumping around. _“Five o’clock can’t come soon enough / Five o’clock can’t come soon enough / Five o’clock can’t come soon enough / I can’t wait to get home to my boys,”_

Lemony continued on with his musical, _“A show stoppin number, a real show stopper / An aria to rule us all / They’ll throw us their money at full price admissions / The world will come tumblin down / Hamilton move over, your new competitions in town,”_

“Hey Lemony,” What Violet and Fiona presumed to be someone Lemony knew emerged from the doorway.

“Moxie! Is that really you?” Lemony sounded shocked.

“No, dad no! That isn’t Moxie!” Violet yelled. She stopped caring about her father's musical at that point.

“Been a long time...” Moxie said, strolling over to Lemony.

“Hey guys, ready to toss that pig-skin around?” Two people stacked on top of each other wearing a trenchcoat said.

“Pip! Squeak! You have aged more than a day!” Lemony smiled towards Pip and Squeak. “Can it be five o’clock already? It must be!”

“Actually, it's like eight fifty-something, but go off,” Fiona said, rolling her eyes back as she did.

The older adults ignored Fiona once again. “Come one Lemony, we got some catching up to do,” Moxie placed a hand on Lemony's shoulder and said.

All the older adults began to sing and copy the exact dance Lemony was doing earlier, _“Working boys, we're up in our ass in shit / What is this business? / Five o'clock can't come soon enough / Five o'clock can't come soon enough / Five o'clock can't come soon enough /I can't wait to get home to my bo-oys!”_ They all exited the room after singing.

“Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god-” Violet said on repeat. Her father had left with the infected.

“Someone fucking help! I’m tied to a goddamn chair!” Fiona yelled out as she tried to move away from the chair.

Thankfully, for Violet and Fiona, Quigley had managed to get to them in time. “It’s okay guys, I’m here,” Quigley said as he untied the ropes that held to the chair. 

“Quigley!” Violet turned her head around quickly and smiled towards her friend.

“Hi,” Quigley smiled somewhat awkwardly towards Violet as he finished untying her and Fiona.

“Both of you, shut up and let’s go before someone comes and kills us,” Fiona had finally been able to get up out of her seat and ran straight to the piano.

“Should I take this chair?” Violet asked quickly.

“You don’t-” Quigley started to say.

“Yeah, sure, whatever. I’m gonna grab the piano and we are gonna go!” Fiona rolled the piano out of the room as Violet and Quigley grabbed the two chairs that were there.


	10. America is Great Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short, but eventful chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously tho, compared to the last couple chapters this one is short!

CHAPTER 10

**America is Great Again**

Fiona, Violet, and Quigley had managed to grab the police car keys from the alcohol room. Isadora and Fernald’s bodies had been gone, but no one had pointed it out. Violet was in charge of driving once again, Fiona had sat in the back, and Quigley had taken the passenger seat.

“Okay so, there’s a helicopter coming to pick us up. We just have to be at Oakley Park by...shit! It’s ten fifty-two,” Quigley said as he looked down at his watch. They were going to be too late.

“What time Quigley?” Violet said. She had been focusing on driving. She had still been breaking every traffic law known to mankind, but she looked focused. Violet had been focused. She had been focusing on the road as she hadn’t wanted her brain to start thinking about what the infected could’ve done to Lemony after they left.

“We have until eleven,” Quigley told Violet.

“I can get us there,” Violet said as she began to speed up the car.

“So,” Violet said. She had not been looking at anyone so it had been unclear who she was talking to. “Are they safe?” Violet asked. Quigley knew who she had been referring to.

He shook his head. Quigley hadn’t known how to respond with words. He hadn’t known how to tell Violet that Klaus, Duncan, and Beatrice were all dead without bursting into tears.

“Great, more death! Whoo-hoo,” Fiona sarcastically said.

The drive continued in silence. Violet had been speeding down the road and turning whenever she pleased, but no one had been able to stop her. Practically no one was left. There had been members of PEIP who remained uninfected. Besides that, it had just been Fiona, Violet, and Quigley. No one else was around.

When the group arrived at Oakley Park, Quigley had been the first to get out of the car. He had the gun after all. Violet followed, and then Fiona. Quigley kept hold of the gun for barely a minute before passing it to Violet. It had been ten fifty-nine. The helicopter should’ve been there any minute. They were going to be free.

Quigley had been sure they were all going to be free and safe, but then he had heard something. Someone was singing.

_ “Workin’ boys, you’re up to your ass in shit!”  _ Someone had sung as they grabbed Quigley and dragged him away from the group. Quigley hadn’t been sure of who it was. He had closed his eyes the second they grabbed him.

“Quigley!” Violet yelled. She had begun to run after him, keeping tight hold of the gun. She had a plan to shoot whoever had Quigley and get back to Oakley Park before the helicopter left. “Filippa, stay here and have the helicopter wait for us!” Violet yelled as she ran.

“It’s Fiona!” Fiona yelled back to Violet. She hadn’t appeared to have heard Fiona and kept running after the infected person who had Quigley.

Fiona waited patiently for the helicopter to show up. It hadn’t shown up. But, something better had. A group of people walked towards her, they had all been wearing military gear.

“Oh fuck yes! Hi army people! Over here!” Fiona yelled as she waved her arms around in the air. The military had seemed to ignore what she had said, but they continued to walk towards her. Drums trilled in the background. 

“ I tell ya. Oh man, you guys are a sight for sore eyes. You know I always support the troops. That’s number one” Fiona had continued on talking, hoping the longer she talked, the better the chance of Quigley and Violet making it back on time was. “Number two, I bleed red white and-”

A gunshot went off. Jacques Snicket had been walking towards Fiona and was holding a gun.  _ “I don’t know what you’ve been told, but Americans should fit a mold.”  _ Jacques Snicket had begun to sing,  _ “There’s a war to be fought in this country against those who are far too bold,” _

“No, no, no, no…” Fiona said, her speech getting slower as she repeated the word ‘No’. Another soldier had brought a needle filled with the blue shit towards her and stabbed it into her thigh. She had fallen to the ground for a mere second before standing up and joining the other soldiers.

_ “Two-party system left and right, there’s only room for right and wrong. It’s you and me and me and you. The loudest become the strong,”  _ Jacques marched towards the rest of the soldiers,  _ “Yeah, we’re great again,” _

All the soldiers, along with Fiona and Jacques, had started to perform simple choreography as they all sang together.  _ “Woah-oh-oh, Woah-oh-oh, Woah-oh-oh,” _

_ “Americas great again,”  _ Jacques sang alone before the group continued as a whole.

_ “Woah-oh-oh, Woah-oh-oh, Woah-oh-oh,”  _ They all sang together.

“Thank you, again, Violet,” Quigley said. Violet had managed to shoot the infected person who had grabbed him. He had thanked Violet many times as they ran to the park, but he couldn’t help but continue to thank her. “Oh god no! Fiona! General Snicket! They got both of you too,”

“General Snicket?” Violet asked. She backed away as the soldiers, Fiona, and Jacques continued to do their simple choreography.

“He was a good man,” Quigley said as he looked towards Violet. He had begun to back up with her.

“Sir, it’s Quigley!” The soldiers and Fiona said. They were all pointing towards Quigley. Jacques had an evil smirk appear on his face.

“Quigley, we should run. Right now!” Violet said to Quigley. She had grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to her before running to the other side of the park.

The soldiers, Fiona, and Jacques had all switched their choreography so they would be making their way towards Quigley and Violet.  _ “You can’t run,”  _ Jacques sang.

_ “You can’t run,”  _ Another soldier sang.

_ “Woah-oh-oh, Woah-oh-oh, Woah-oh-oh,”  _ The soldiers sang together.

_ “You can’t run,”  _ A different soldier sang.

_ “Woah-oh-oh, Woah-oh-oh, Woah-oh-oh,”  _ The soldiers sang together once again.

_ “‘Cause our borders are closed,”  _ Jacques sang in a threatening manner.

_ “Our borders are closed,”  _ A soldier who had not sounded the same as the first two sang.

_ “Woah-oh-oh, Woah-oh-oh, Woah-oh-oh,”  _ The soldiers, Fiona, and Jacques had sung together once again.

_ “Our borders are closed,”  _ A brand-new soldier sang.

_ “Woah-oh-oh, Woah-oh-oh, Woah-oh-oh,”  _ Everyone continued to sing together.

_ “You’re staring down the gun,” _ Jacques patted his gun.

“We have to leave,” Quigley said. He had sounded terrified. “We have got to go,”

“Where did I park the fucking car,” Violet said, sounding equally terrified.

“The helicopter should be here by now!” Quigley had said slightly louder.

_ “‘Cause you’re easily disposed,'” Jacques _ sang. Quigley and Violet had both managed to ignore him.

“Well, what are we supposed to do? Wait and hope we don’t get infected?” Violet looked towards Quigley. She had been holding his hand tighter now, much tighter than before.

“I don’t know!” Quigley shook his head as he replied to Violet.

_ “The final solution!”  _ Jacques continued to sing.

“Let’s just run for it!” Quigley looked towards Violet as he spoke.

“They’re moving now! We missed our chance to do that,” Violet said.

_ “It’s a charted course at the whim of our own evolution!”  _ Jacques pointed towards Quigley and Violet as he sang. A bloodsoaked Fiona and two other soldiers had walked towards and had tried to grab them. Quigley and Violet had moved just in time _. _

_ “Singularity had through a pre-destined self-destruction!”  _ Jacques turned around and looked towards Quigley and Violet. An evil smirk still present on his face. A soldier had managed to grab Violet and Fiona had grabbed Quigley.  _ “So that we may rebuild and experience a new construction!” _

_ “Yeah we’re great again,”  _ Jacques walked towards Violet and Quigley and sang.

Violet had fought off the soldier, as they had only been holding her with one arm, and grabbed their gun. She had managed to shoot Jacques who backed away from Quigley. Fiona and the soldier had let go of him as Jacques backed away.

“Quigley!” Violet yelled. She helped Quigley off of the ground as she began to hire a helicopter flying nearby. It was their helicopter. They’d be safe. “The helicopter is coming!”

Violet and Quigley ran closer towards the helicopter sound. Soldiers had still been following them, but Jacques had stayed behind. Continuing to sing to himself.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Oh my god, Quigley! We made it!” Violet said after Quigley and her entered the helicopter. She hugged her friend and smiled. They had made it.

“We made it,” Quigley said back to Violet.

Violet pulled away from the hug and shifted in her seat so it’d be clear that she was talking to the helicopter pilot. “No one else is coming. They’re either infected or dead!”

“Get us out of here!” Quigley said. He had been putting on his seatbelt, something Violet had forgotten to do.

“Holy shit, I thought I was gonna die in fucking Hatchetfield,” Violet took a breath as she spoke. She had been glad she wouldn’t be dying in Hatchetfield, unlike the rest of her family. “But we’re not, we got out of there!”

“And we never have to go back,” Quigley said. Violet smiled and turned to face him.

“Wanna go to Canada?” She asked. Quigley hadn’t been able to tell if she was serious or joking.

“Of course,” Quigley said. His tone has made it sound like he was joking, but he had been serious.

Violet chuckled slightly and went to look at the window. She had flipped it off, “Fuck you Hatchetfield!” Violet said towards the window.

“Ma’am,” Quigley said to the helicopter pilot, “You saved our asses back there. Thank you,”

“Yeah, thank you,” Violet looked at the helicopter pilot. She had been smiling before she saw red curls coming from the helmet”. Red curls that had belonged to someone she knew.

_ “Hey Mr.Business, how do you do?”  _ Carmelita Spats sang. She had turned away from the front of the helicopter and looked towards Quigley and Violet.

“Carmelita?” Violet backed up into her seat.

_ “Can we get a triple for you,”  _ Carmelita sang. She had a haunting smile on her face as she pulled out a gun from the military outfit she had been wearing.

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no,” Quigley closed his eyes as he repeated the word.

“Fuck no,” Violet shook her head and leaned forward. She had pushed the gun to face the roof, Carmelita pulled the trigger.

An alarm had begun to go off.


	11. Let It Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An interesting little thing happens during a mission to destroy a meteor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight warning for some gory wounds being described  
> Also, I edited this whole chapter on my phone and none of the edits transferred so just ignore if some things in the middle don't make sense, I am sorry.

CHAPTER 11

**Let It Out**

Quigley hadn’t known how much time had passed from the crash to when he opened his eyes. He had still been strapped into his seat, which magically stayed together, but Violet hadn’t been in hers. Quigley couldn’t see Violet when he first opened his eyes. He also couldn’t see Carmelita but she had not been as much of a worry. Violet had been Quigley’s main worry. He hadn’t felt bad or too injured, they didn’t have the chance to get high into the air, so he wasn’t his own main worry.

“Violet!” Quigley yelled. He had been taking the seat belt off and getting out of the seat. His legs had hurt slightly, it wasn’t terrible. “Violet!”

“I’m over here!” Quigley heard Violet yell. She wasn’t dead, thank fucking god.

Quigley had walked quickly over to Violet, running had hurt too much, and went down next to her. At first, he hadn’t noticed the small piece of metal had got stuck in Violet's leg.

“Quigley! Are you okay?” Violet said. She hadn’t been worried about herself. Violet knew something was in her leg, it had hurt like hell, but Quigley was her friend. She cared if he was okay.

“I think I’m good, are you okay?” Quigley asked. He sounded worried. He had sounded worried a lot that day.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine,” Violet assured Quigley. She hadn’t been fine, but there had been nothing he could do. They couldn’t remove whatever had been in her leg.

“I, uh, I think we’re still in Hatchetfield. We just need to find a boat or...or I don’t know, just something to get across the shore. If we get across the shore, we can get to Clivesdale,” Quigley nodded as he spoke. It had been like he was trying to explain everything in his head as he talked.

“Let’s go find a boat then,” Violet tried to stand up. It had hurt her leg too much. “Fucking shit!”

“I can find a boat and then bring you over. You wouldn’t have to walk,” Quigley said.

“I’m not going to be able to get away from Hatchetfield if I have a chunk of middle in my leg,” Violet said as she looked at her leg, then back at Quigley.

“No, but Violet those….those things are gonna find us if we don’t try to-” Quigley had started to talk before Violet cut him off.

“Then you have to fucking kill them!” Violet loudly said. She brought her volume back down as she continued to speak, “Listen, Quigley, you have to destroy that meteor. Like what Fiona or Isadora said, you know, the hivemind shit or something? You take the head off, the whole thing goes down,”

“Okay, okay. I can get the army shit from the helicopter,” Quigley said.

“Yeah, take their guns and grenades and other shit,” Violet had tried to think of more things that would be in the helicopter. She couldn’t think of any exact names.

“Then I have to get to the Starlight Theatre, destroy the meteor, and all these things will drop dead?” Quigley continued to talk to Violet as he moved close enough to the helicopter so he could grab everything it had that would be helpful.

“That’s what every science fiction book, movie, and television series has taught me,” Violet said, her voice going slightly louder so Quigley could continue to hear her.

Quigley had moved back over to Violet after grabbing the stash of grenades from the helicopter. “I’ll be right back so please don’t die,”

“As long as you try not to die, I’ll try not to die,” Violet smiled as she talked to Quigley. She had gotten distracted from the pain in her leg for a mere moment.

“Hey, Quigley?” Violet asked, her tone had sounded less joke-y. She had a question she wanted to ask him. “If neither of us die and we get to Clivesdale, would you want to go see a nice silent movie with me?”

“I’d love to,” Quigley said. He smiled at Violet and gave her a quick hug before standing up and making his way to Starlight theatre. “I’ll try to be as fast as possible,”

“I’ll see you soon,” Violet waved her hand until Quigley was out of sight. She was alone.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quigley had wanted the car. He had felt safer when he had the car with him. The infected hadn’t been near him but Quigley had had a constant chill and thought he heard people quietly singing. It was possible his mind had just been playing tricks on him. Possible, but not likely. The quiet singing wasn’t likely to be Quigley's mind tricking him, it was likely to be someone who was infected but not close by. They were too quiet to be close by.

There was blood and blue shit all over the sidewalks. The streetlights were on, it had given a horror movie effect to the town. The blood with the streetlights had seemed very horror movie-like. The blue shit had seemed closer to science fiction, but it still fit the base of a horror movie.

“Go to starlight theatre, destroy the meteor, and go back to Violet. Get to starlight theatre, destroy the meteor, and go back to Violet,” Quigley had been mumbling the simple instructions under his breath the entire walk. He knew that he most likely wouldn’t forget, but repeating them helped Quigley feel more confident that he wouldn’t forget. He couldn’t forget any of the instructions. They were far too important.

Quigley continued to repeat the instructions until he arrived at the theatre. It had a gigantic hole in the top, the building looked like it could barely stay up. Blue shit had been on every single wall, blood had been covering the floors. The doors to enter the stage area had been broken off, they rested on the ground. A small curtain had been all that was there. It was a rather useless curtain as it had many holes in it. The seats near the stage had been filled with people, all of which looked lifeless. They had been smiling at the stage like a show had been about to start. Quigley tried to ignore them, still repeating the instructions to himself. He had also been staring directly at the meteor, it had been larger than he expected. Covered in the blue shit like everything else. It hadn’t had eyes, as it was a meteor, but Quigley could imagine it giving an evil look. It had felt like it was giving him an evil look.

“There it is, the meteor,” Quigley said shakily. It had been right in front of him. It was right there. He could throw the grenade and run. He could run back to Violet, hope there would be a way to leave, and then they could rest for a few weeks before going to see a silent movie.

“We’ve been waiting for you, Quigley,” Duncan had come from out of one of the wings. He sounded much different than he had when Quigley last heard him speak. Duncan had sounded less real, more like someone had been controlling what he said.

“Duncan, stay back!” Quigley yelled at Duncan. He hadn’t wanted to hurt his brother, but his brother was dead. An alien had been playing pretend. Quigley could hurt an alien.

“Watch out Quigley, he might kick your head!” Fiona said, her tone sounding the same as Duncans. Isadora had been standing next to her, holding her hand. Her smile was very fake.

Fiona, Duncan, and Isadora all looked worse than when Quigley last saw them. Duncan had a large wound where he had gotten shot, the blood-stained through the shirt. Duncan also had blue shit tangled into his hair. They all did. Fiona had also had a large wound, it went right through her neck. The blood was clearly visible. Isadora looked the worse. She had many previous cuts and bruises on her arms and legs. Her gun wound had stopped spelling blood long ago. Dried blood had now covered the edges.

“And that wouldn’t be good, right Mr.Business?” Violet's boss, whose name Quigley had failed to remember, said as she too came out of one of the stage's wings.

Quigley hadn’t known what to say. He knew what he had to do, but he never thought about what he would have to say. He assumed the infected would be somewhere. They should’ve been somewhere else.

“Look at that, Quigley, all your friends and family are here,” Lemony had come out of a wing. He had been missing the part of his shirt that would cover up his stomach. He had appeared to have had his stomach ripped out. A mix of dry and wet blood was on his stomach and the edges of his shirt.

“We got what we wanted,” Mr.Poe said. He had stayed separate from everyone else as he had not come out of a wing, he stood up in the audience.

“No,” Quigley shook his head as he spoke. He looked around at all the infected people. “Mr.Poe didn’t want to become a mindless alien slave. He wanted to be choked by his wife,” That piece of information had been burned into Quigley's brain after he heard the horrible song.

“I’m putting a stop to all this,” Quigley shook his head and tried to untangle one of the grenades from the stash.

“Uncle Quigley, if you listened to us maybe you wouldn’t have to worry,” Beatrice said. Her tone was sweet, but off. Klaus had followed close behind her. “You could stay with us forever!”

“Back off Beatrice. If I use the grenade, you’re all toast,” Quigley had kept a tight grip around the grenade. He had only realized at that moment, he wasn’t fully sure how they had worked.

“You wouldn’t do that, Quigley,” Isadora said. She had sounded so sure of herself.

“I sure as hell would,” Quigley looked at Isadora, then to Duncan, then to Beatrice, then to Klaus, then to Fiona, then to Lemony, then to Violet's boss, then to Mr.Poe. He would do it. The alien hivemind had taken his whole family. It had also been responsible for the traumatizing song Quigley had heard Mr.Poe sing.

“And what about you? You’d die too, is that what you want?” Klaus asked Quigley.

“It doesn’t matter what I want,” Quigley said after a short second of silence. It hadn’t mattered what he wanted. He wasn’t alone. Violet was still at where they crashed. It mattered what she had wanted.

“We think it does, Quigley,” Beatrice looked at Quigley as she spoke. Her tone was still sweet but off. Her smile had adopted the same vibe. “And we wanna hear about it,” Beatrice said as the music began to play. Quigley had looked towards the pit where the band was supposed to go, some of the infected sat there playing instruments.

“In fact, we think there’s a song in you!” Isadora and Duncan said together as they both walked towards Quigley. Each one placed a hand on Quigley's shoulder as he tensed up. All of the infected who were on stage began to walk closer to him.

_ “What's in your soul? Is your heart so damp and bleak, that you won’t give us a peak of your soul?”  _ Duncan sang as he gripped on tighter to his brother's shoulder. Only losing up slightly when Beatrice began to sing.

_ “Just let it out! There’s a voice inside of you, at the edge of coming through. What’s it about?”  _ Beatrice looked directly up at Quigley as she sang.

_ “And I know its a singular voice, Quigley. You've just got to give up your choice!”  _ A voice much deeper than the others began to sing. It had been Lemony Snicket. He was singing with everyone else.

Isadora and Duncan let go of Quigley's shoulders and moved into a triangle-like shape around him. Everyone else followed Isadora and Duncan's lead before continuing to sing.  _ “Just let it out, let it out, let it out!” _

Quigley felt his throat begin to get dry. He had looked around to the group of infected surrounding him. They had all been smiling. Once Quigley had started to twitch around they began to smile wider.  _ “Let it out, let it out, let it out! Let it out, let it out, let it out!”  _ All the infected people on stage sang together,  _ “Let it out, let it out-” _

_ “Never!”  _ Quigley sang. He sang. Quickly, Quigley covered his mouth and began to back away. He didn’t want to believe that he sang any note, he couldn’t have. His mind had to be fucking with him. That was all. “What was that?”

“It’s your proximity to the meteor, Quigley. The air in here is thick with its spores, feel your apotheosis begin as they take root in your mind!” Lemony said loudly. “Did you really think we’d let you kill? You’ll be one of us before you can pull that pin!”

Beatrice sighed and went over to Quigley, giving him a big hug. “To put it simply, you let it out!” She sounded excited, far too excited. Beatrice moved away from the hug after a moment, a smile taking over a majority of her face.

“Was that a note?” Quigley asked himself,  _ “Or just a sound? Am I finally coming round to rhyming scheme?” _

Quigley's face changed emotions quickly. It had gone from the forced happiness expression that appeared on his face whenever he sang, to utter worry whenever the singing stopped. “Oh god!” Quigley said before he started to sing again,  _ “Just stop it!” _ Quigley had been able to take control of what he was saying again, “I’m split in two,”

“Is this me?” Quigley had many questions he had wanted to ask. He received no answers from anyone.  _ “Or is this you?” _

_ “Am I dead?”  _ Quigley wondered if he had died in the helicopter crash. Everyone else around him appeared to have died in one way or another. No one had just been singing for the fun of it. “I’m coming apart,  _ at the seams!” _

_ “La da da da da da da da da,”  _ Quigley sang as he walked around. Only stopping his walking when he was able to say what he wanted to say, “Stop this! No!”

He felt his control slipping away once again.  _ “No no no no no no no!” _ Quigley covered his mouth once he gained control again. He kept his control as everyone else began to sing together.

_ “Just let it out, let it out, let it out! Let it out, let it out, let it out!”  _ Quigley wanted to remove his hands from his mouth and bring them to his ears. He hadn’t moved them away from his mouth as he felt like vomiting. It had hurt his stomach so much that Quigley had taken a seat down on the ground. The pain hadn’t subsided.  _ “Just let it out, let it out, let it out! Let it out, let it out, let it out!”  _

Quigley sat up straighter. He had felt like he had been in control, but he had also felt like he had no control. It was an odd mix. Thoughts were still able to be processed. He could move his hand around and chose how he sat. But he had zero control over the words that came out of his mouth.

_ “I’ve never been happy, wouldn’t that be nice?”  _ Quigley's hand moved from his mouth when he sang. His thoughts differed from what he was saying. He knew he had been happy. Quigley had been happy not long ago. He had known what it was like to be happy.

_ “Is this the secret? Singing and dancing through life?”  _ Quigley had felt more control over what he had been saying. But, it had been nearly impossible to not sing. When he tried to talk, he could feel his throat swell up.

_ “Is my integrity worth anything at all? But happiness can’t come before it’s fall,”  _ Quigley continued to sing. He had wanted desperately to stop, his face conveyed that.

Quigley stood up, he had tried to stop himself from doing so but he had lost more control. All he had control over was his thoughts. He wasn’t even able to have his hand cover his mouth once again.  _ “Am I crazy? Maybe I’ve always been,” _

_ “Become what I’ve hated?”  _ Quigley felt like he was going to smile, but he hadn’t. He felt slight control come back. He had still been singing but he had slight control over the words that came out of his mouth.  _ “Or maybe I never did,” _

_ “It’s awful freeing now! To share the hate I felt!”  _ Quigley sang. He had wanted to try to talk. Eliminate all control that the infected part of his mind had.

“But what will I let in if I let it out?” Quigley had said. He had held back the singing. His words had been twisted and his throat had hurt like hell, but he hadn’t sung.

_ “Let it out! Let it out! Let it out!”  _ Lemony, Violet's boss, Fiona, Isadora, Duncan, Klaus, and Beatrice had all sang together. Their smiles had been full of joy. The joy being about the fact that Quigley had been singing.

_ “Am I crazy? I don’t think so,”  _ Quigley sang. Holding it back had hurt him too much. His control had been going away too fast to stop singing. The slight control over some of his words and thoughts was all he had left. Everything else was gone.

_ “Let it out! Let it out! Let it out!”  _ The whole audience sang along with Lemony, Violet's boss, Fiona, Isadora, Duncan, Klaus, and Beatrice.

_ “Maybe I’ve always been,”  _ Quigley stumbled as he sang. He had gotten a grenade out. He was holding one. Control in hands had been returning and leaving, along with the rest of his body.

_ “Just let it out! Let it out! Let it out!”  _ Everyone, minus Quigley, continued to sing their section of the song.

_ “Someone help me out!”  _ Quigley had felt the most control at that moment. He was still singing, but he felt like he had been able to move and control what he was saying. He held onto the grenade tighter, looking back at the meteor as he did.

_ “Let it out! Let it out!”  _ The people on stage began to surround Quigley as he moved closer to the meteor. The audience continued to chant the words.

_ “If I let it out!”  _ Quigley shook his head as he sang. Everyone had still been getting closer to him.

“We will not be resisted!” Everyone in the theatre, minus Quigley, yelled together. Their tone making it clear they had been possessed, all of their former selves now gone forever.

“I don’t like musicals!” Quigley yelled as he threw the grenade at the meteor. His throat had burned as he yelled, his stomach had been in more pain then it had been previously. Everything had been worse.

Then there was a loud noise and everything went black.


	12. Inevitable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A more Violet Baudelaire centred chapter to end us off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy fucking shit, it's the end

CHAPTER 12

**Inevitable**

Violet hadn’t been able to recall all of her memories from the last day she saw her family and Quigley. She could recall certain parts. Small bits and pieces. But, all the big things about how she got out of Hatchetfield and if Quigley had returned were near impossible for her to recall. She had been told limited things about how she got to Clivesdale. Olivia, her nurse, had told her that she had been rescued alone, but Quigley had promised her he’d try not to die. He had to still be alive.

“This is the morning Clivesdale news with Kelly and Ben,” Violet frowned when she heard the newscasters talking. Every day at nine in the morning they would begin a news segment, all they talked about was Hatchetfield. How it had been almost two weeks since the incident and how no one had survived. “It’s been nearly two weeks since tragedy struck our sister city of Hatchetfield. Candlelight vigils line the streets, as Clivedale citizens try to make sense of this unspeakable loss,” If it is unspeakable, why were they talking about it? “Every last man, woman, and child in Hatchetfield, gone at the blink of an eye,” Not everyone was gone. Violet was currently in a Clivesdale hospital and someone else had to be with her. There had to be one more person. “A meteor and a ruptured gas line was all it took to wipe them off the map,” That wasn’t correct. Violet knew she hadn’t imagined a bunch of singing people with blue shit everywhere. “But it will take much more to wipe them from our hearts,”

Violet had been forced to listen to the entire news segment as she packed up. They were going to let her leave, finally. She hadn’t had much to pack, just a few papers they had given her, two pairs of clothes they had given her, and her ribbon. It was easy to pack everything into a small backpack.

“Is she ready to go?” Violet had been able to hear Colonel Esme Squalor and Olivia talk. Her door had been open and they were not naturally quiet people.

“She is all ready to go,” Olivia reported to Esme.

Olivia had come into Violets room and helped her put the backpack on. Olivia had been kinder than Clonoel Esme Squalor. She would always ask Violet how her leg felt, if she wanted anything to drink, and she would sometimes play hand games with Violet on extremely boring days.

“How's that leg doing, Emma?” Esme said as Violet came out of the hospital room.

Violet had been able to walk fairly well. Her leg had still hurt when she put too much pressure on it, but she was fine to leave. The chunk of metal was out and she wasn’t actively bleeding anymore.

“Uh yeah, why’d it have to be Emma? I liked my old name. Couldn’t you at least pick something similar, like Lilac or...Purple?” Violet had not hated the name Emma. She liked it. But it wasn’t her name, her name was Violet.

“That’s a negative, Emma,” Esme told Violet as she walked closer towards her. “You’ll get used to it. In the meantime, we can’t have anyone making any connections between you and Violet Snicket, who perished in the Hatchetfield catastrophe,” Esme had been telling Violet since they first met, that she would not be allowed to use the name Violet Snicket or Violet Baudelaire anymore as that person had legally died in the Hatchetfield catastrophe.

“Yeah that was the other thing, what if any of my friends somehow survived and they needed to find me? They could solve an anagram if you gave me an anagram for Violet Snicket,” Violet said. Her logical side knew none of her friends were left, but she still hoped one would be out there. Even if it was a friend of hers who hadn’t been in Hatchetfield, like Jacquelyn. Jacquelyn and her sister would never be able to find Violet if she was named Emma Perkins or Emma Matthews or whatever was decided as her new last name.

“Here Emma, this is for you,” Esme changed the topic, not wanting to have to waste her to explain that everyone had died. She had handed Violet an envelope, “Inside, you’ll find a new passport, social security card, and the deed to a plot of land in Canada,” 

“Thank you,” Violet said as she shoved the envelope into her backpack. She was happy to be going back to Canada, it wasn’t a shitty place after all. 

“Um, Colonel Squalor,” Violet had wanted to ask a question. She had asked it many times, but she needed to hear the proper answer one last time. “You’re sure there were no other survivors?”

“Emma, we’ve been through this many times, there are no other survivors,” Esme placed a hand on Violets shoulder as she spoke. “Only a cat that we found hiding in a very tall tree,”

“Oh Rocket! I’m glad he got out of there,” Violet said. She was hoping another survivor would be human, but Rocket was a good cat. He’d be okay enough.

“Now that is a story we can disclose to the public. In the wake of tragedy, a little bit of good news can go a long way,” Esme smiled as she spoke. She removed her hand from Violets shoulder and returned its previous position behind her back.

“Yeah, it's just um, Quigley promised me he’d-” Violet said. She had wanted her friend to be okay and alive.

“He was a good man, Emma. If not for his sacrifice, the outbreak would have spread to the mainland,” Esme interrupted Violet. She hadn’t cared about what Quigley had promised, “It was contained in Hatchetfield, but if it had gotten loose here in Clivesdale, there’d be no stopping it,”

Esme turned towards Violet and gave a quick salute. “Goodbye, Emma! Good luck in Canada,”

“Thanks,” Violet said, giving a small salute back.

“Oh! One more thing, you’ll be escorted to Canada by a Mr. Paul Kingwell. He should be here in just a minute,” Esme said, she had stopped walking when she began to talk to Violet.

“Oh, I don’t know any Paul Kingswells,” Violet said. She had planned to go to Canada alone, without someone escorting her. She knew how to go places by herself.

“Well according to our records, you two were very good friends. He would like to see it become something more,” Esme winked before she continued to walk away.

“Colonel Squalor, I really don’t know any Paul Kingwells!” Violet yelled out to Esme, who had now been ignoring her.

Violet could hear someone walking towards her, she assumed it was the escort. She hadn’t wanted to introduce herself, she had wanted to tell Esme she didn’t need someone to escort her to Canada.

“Please, leave me alone for a moment, I have to go talk to someone,” Violet said, still avoiding looking out who she assumed was the escort.

“Violet?” A familiar voice said to her.

“Quigley?” Violet turned to look at him. He was right there, her friend was right there. Quigley had been standing right in front of her. He was okay.

“Quigley!” Violet exclaimed. A wide smile had been present on her face as she pulled Quigley into a hug. He had been smiling as well. Violet had been speechless. All she wanted to do was stay with Quigley. Without thinking, Violet had kissed him. It hadn’t been long, a nice quick kiss before she returned to hugging him. “You made it! We made it!” Words had finally returned to Violet.

_ “Violet, I’m sorry,”  _ Quigley had sounded like he was singing, but he couldn’t be. He couldn’t be.  _ “You lost,” _

“Quigley?” Violet said as she pulled away from the hug. Quigley still had his hands on her shoulders. He was scaring her slightly.

_ “Violet, I’m sorry. You lost your way,”  _ Quigley had been singing. He had moved his hands away from Violet's shoulders and was now holding her hands.

“Quigley, you’re scaring me,” Violet said as she tried to pull her hands back. She had managed to for a second, but Quigley had moved into a position to make it seem like they were slow dancing. It was weird, it wasn’t Quigley.

_ ‘What if I told you I made it and this is the life that I chose?” _ Quigley continued to sing as he danced around with Violet.

“What?” Violet said quickly and almost silently.

_ “Would you even believe it, Violet? Do you believe in ghosts?”  _ Quigley had span Violet out, like someone in a cheesy romance movie would do when slow dancing. He had still been holding on tightly to one of her hands. It hurt. Violet had been trying to pull her hand away, but it was hard. Every time she managed to move away, he was able to hold onto her again. When Violet managed to get her hand out of his, he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her closer towards him.

“Quigley stop it, you’re hurting me,” Violet said.

_ “What if I told you a story that settled all the dust?”  _ Violet wanted Quigley to stop singing, to be the Quigley who would never sing.  _ “I’m still the man you trust,”  _ Quigley let go of Violets shoulders, but grabbed one of her hands and looked directly at her.  _ “It’s inevitable for us,” _

“No! Get away from me! You’re not Quigley, you’re one of them!” Violet yelled as she shook her hand free. Quigley had ran to the other side of the room, not even trying to grab her hand or her shoulder this time.

_ “Before I had no ambition,”  _ Quigley sang as Klaus came out and stood next to him. Klaus hadn’t been singing but had the same creepy energy as Quigley. Klaus also hadn’t had his glasses.  _ “Now my life is a song,” _

Violet tried to run to the other side of the room but Lemony and Beatrice had been standing there. They had been blocking the exits.

_ “Don’t you want to see me happy? Is it so tragically wrong?”  _ Quigley sang as he hugged Violet from behind.

“Go away!” Violet yelled as she tried to kick him.

_ “What if the only choice is you have to sing to survive?”  _ Quigley joined the choreography that was going on in the background for a second before holding Violet's hands and walking her over to the line of singing people.  _ “We must go on with the show! It’s inevitable!” _

Quigley let go of Violets hands and pushed her away,  _ “To know what I want now! _ ” Quigley sang alone. No one joined him.

_ “Know what you want now,”  _ Lemony, Fiona, Isadora, Duncan, Klaus, and Beatrice had all been in the line behind Quigley and sang together.

_ “Violet, I want you to join the party!”  _ Quigley looked at Violet and pointed towards her as he sang her name.  _ “Are you going to tip me?” _

_ “Get your cup of coffee,”  _ Everyone but Quigley sang, They had all been referencing the tip song Violet had been forced to sing with Carmelita and Ellington.

_ “Look at the fun we’re having already,”  _ Quigley sang as him and everyone else walked in a circle. Violet had been almost sure they were going to move towards her, but they hadn’t. They had moved back to their line, Quigley stayed in front of them.

“No, no, no, stop it!” Violet shook her head as she ran away from the line, hoping they’d be distracted enough to let her get to the hospital exits. One of the infected had been blocking the exits.

_ “I found my calling, you can do the same now. Put your words to lyrics, and you’re playin’ in the game now! It’s all there is and all there ever was,”  _ Quigley sang solo again, but everyone had been doing the choreography. Someone was still always blocking an exit even as they danced.

_ “Violet!”  _ Everyone yelled as they moved into a clump. Quigley was still front and centre, everyone else crowding around him. Violet couldn’t help but scream.  _ “Let me puke in your mouth, Vi! Just open your food bin, girl, and you can join the hive!”  _ Violet had wanted to question why Quigley had sang that, but she was more focused on trying to get away from the infected.

_ “By showing those,”  _ Quigley sang alone at first. Everyone else was switching positions and doing choreography that resembled the type the police officers had been doing earlier.

_ “Hands! Show me those jazz hands! Get em’ up or your shit out of luck! Show me those hands, show me those jazz hands!”  _ Everyone stopped dancing and looked towards Violet. Klaus and Fiona began to walk closer towards her, Quigley stayed in the centre, and everyone else moved back to a line.  _ “Or I might be inclined,” _

Quigley began to sing alone once again.  _ “To plant my seed!” _

“No!  **NO!** ” Violet screamed as Klaus and Fiona each grabbed an arm and dragged her to be right next to Quigley.

_ “The hive needs to feed!”  _ Quigley looked towards Violet and continued to sing. He looked like he was sorry. He couldn’t be, he was gone. He was singing and dancing, which meant he was gone.  _ “Happiness is guaranteed! If you just give us one last,” _

_ “Show stoppin’ number!”  _ Everyone sang together once again. The people in the line, which now included Fiona and Klaus, all did the cancan. Quigley held Violet's hands and looked right at her as he sang.  _ “With Violet front and centre! A kickline is inevitable!” _

_ “What if I told you a story? How the world became peaceful and just?”  _ Everyone walked in a circle around Violet as they sang, besides Quigley who still held Violets hands and looked sorry. Violet hated how he looked sorry, because it was some sick joke an alien hivemind was pulling.

Everyone stepped away from the circle they were walking in and began to move closer and closer to Violet. They were all moving in on her. Quigley had even let go of her hands and joined them.  _ “It was inevitable, inevitable, inevitable!”  _ They all sang together as Violet fell onto the floor and tightly closed her eyes.

“The apotheosis is upon-” Quigley said. He hadn’t sung it, he said it. It was his normal voice.

_ “Us!”  _ Everyone sang together once again. Violet had kept her eyes tightly closed, but she could feel them all dragging her somewhere. She hadn’t known where. She was just being dragged somewhere.

  
  


_ The End _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, wow, so here's the final chapter. We have reached the end of the fic.  
> I want to say thank you to everyone who has read this chaotic thing and also huge thank you to the discord for helping me out with some major ideas and for just reading this. Love you all so much  
> I am so sorry I couldn't end this on a happier note, but the musical does end this way. I have many oneshot ideas so I can explain more about all the characters as I never got a good enough chance to do it with just this fic.  
> Again, thank you all for reading.  
> Love you - Lana

**Author's Note:**

> Is this fic gonna be 90% dialogue? Yes, yes it is


End file.
